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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28150083">Darkener</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cobalt_Blue_Sphere/pseuds/Cobalt_Blue_Sphere'>Cobalt_Blue_Sphere</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:54:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>22,788</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28150083</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cobalt_Blue_Sphere/pseuds/Cobalt_Blue_Sphere</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A man is visited by a creature of shadow, and the unreal seems to become real. With the boundary blurred between the waking world and the sleeping strange, he struggles to keep a grip on his life - and to come to grips with the monster that's found him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Darkener</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally written for the /terrato/ thread on /trash/, and the /nightmare/ thread on /aco/, in return for a fair exchange of (You)'s.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When I awoke, everything had changed.</p>
<p>The office I had fallen asleep in had long since withered and rotted around me. The flimsy prefab walls had fallen to decay, exposing scraps of insulation and wires that had long since stopped sparking. Nothing had worked here in a long time.</p>
<p>All the furniture was broken and worthless, all the papers I’d been working on long since crumbled to nothing. Signs of vermin infestation were everywhere. Small, dry bones littered the place, clumped in corners and scattered around. It smelled of mildew and dust. Long since abandoned.</p>
<p>As I stood from my wheeled chair it promptly collapsed beneath me. When I turned back to look, I saw it was as decrepit and pathetic as anything else in the room.</p>
<p>I had no idea how long I’d slept. Surely someone would have woken me. Surely something would have hurt me. With all the damage, how could I have been left alone? There were people in the building. None of them had seen fit to tell me I was in danger?</p>
<p>… Were any of them alright, I wondered? I didn’t really know any of them that well, but still… Somehow I’d slept long enough to completely miss the building falling to the ravages of time around me. Surely someone should have at least woken me…</p>
<p>Already, I’d seen enough. I should have been terrified. I had no idea how anything I could see around me was possible. I couldn’t have been stolen away in my sleep, and I couldn’t have slept long enough that everything would fall to pieces. I, too, should have rotted and died, but I hadn’t.</p>
<p>I didn’t feel the fear that I know I should have. There was only a dull, muted shock swirling around, the smallest spike of alarm in my foggy thoughts. Something horrible had happened. It hadn’t affected me yet. Maybe it would soon? I should consider doing something about that, I supposed.</p>
<p>Blearily I turned to where the door was – or had been. It was now little more than an empty, crumpling door frame. And within it was… Something unrecognizable. Something that darkened the very air around it.</p>
<p>I tried to focus on it. It was black. Its form seemed to be shifting and eddying right beneath my eyes, as though it didn’t want me to understand it. It was tall, and its head seemed to be long, like that of a horse or a dog or a dragon or somesuch. It seemed to be wearing some kind of shroud that fell down around what were probably its legs, its garment twisting and whorling just as nauseatingly as its body was. I could barely make out tall, pointed spires coming off of what might have been its shoulders, and smaller spines jutting out from its arms and back. Symmetrical, but shifting. A pure kind of vile, or the other way around. A mix of order and chaos that my senses were unable to reconcile.</p>
<p>When I tried to look at it, it was like I was drunk. I needed to puke.</p>
<p>Raising my hand as though it might shield me from the aberration, I staggered backwards and looked away, tripping over myself and dropping heavily to my knees. I couldn’t bear the sight of it. It hurt to look at.</p>
<p>My breath came hot and harsh, gorge rising in my throat and threatening to fall out of my mouth. I tried to force it back down, staring at the destitute floor beneath me. I struggled to compose myself, to try to force my brain to recognize me as its master again.</p>
<p>Slowly, by degrees, I stole control over myself. I forced the bile back down where it belonged. I slowed my breathing, and stood up. But I could scarcely find the will to look back at that thing again.</p>
<p>I doubted it would have been idle. By merely looking at it, I’d been incapacitated. I was going to look up and find that it was upon me, or that it had fled. My heart was slowly beginning to race, recognizing that I may be experiencing my last few moments of life. For a brief moment I thought of my parents I’d leave behind. I wondered what my burial might be like, before I forced focus upon myself.</p>
<p>I steeled my heart and brought my eyes up to the doorjamb.</p>
<p>Immediately I felt nauseuous, and had to look away again, only keeping it in my peripheral. The monstrous shape was still there, only barely moved from its place. It had shifted toward the other side of the door, seeming to lean slightly against the rotten frame. I couldn’t rightly tell, but from the way its head was tilted I would have almost guessed it was curious.</p>
<p>“What are you?” I slurred. My voice seemed to ring in my ears, echoing impossibly off the walls.</p>
<p>It seemed a fitting question. What in hell could it be? No creature on God’s green earth looked as it did. There was no such thing as a monster that burned your eyes to look at it. A diseased mind might have come up with something like it, but never could it be found in reality.</p>
<p>Perhaps it wasn’t real. Perhaps I was hallucinating it. That would quite handily explain my surroundings, the monster, what had happened to me. This could have been a fever dream, or a bad trip of some sorts.</p>
<p>The creature seemed to open its mouth, and it spoke. All illusions that it were merely a mental conjuration were dispelled.</p>
<p>I didn’t hear anything I expected. I heard an overwhelming rush of noise, and the world fell apart around me.</p>
<p>Pain. Life. Memory. Death. Rot. Hope.</p>
<p>Ears splitting. Brain burning. Struggling to live.</p>
<p>Clawing for every breath. Crawling to find shelter. Screaming my agony out into the void.</p>
<p>Roaring in defiance of the end as I staggered to my knees. Arms swinging, hands grasping, praying for something to hold onto. Every moment I lived, deprived of oxygen but refusing to die, was a victory.</p>
<p>And then I found it. My many hands grasped something that should have been mine the whole time.</p>
<p>I found the floor. The blessed, solid floor, rotten but stable enough to hold me. Again, my breaths came hot and desperate. My heart pounded in my chest, its panicked drumbeat reminding me insistently that I was still alive. I had survived something that I could barely comprehend, but that I could recognize had been completely excruciating.</p>
<p>Dully I tilted my head up. The thing was surely still there. Again I expected it to be upon me, or to have disappeared – or perhaps even to simply still be standing there.</p>
<p>To my surprise, the creature had crumpled to the floor as well. It mirrored my actions, lifting its dark head up on one of its impossibly twisting, solidly pointed arms. It was shuddering, collapsing in on itself, threatening to fall down entirely.</p>
<p>But still it held itself together, visibly struggling as it forced its other arm beneath it. It rose up onto its approximation of a knee, slowly, steadily regaining ground. Slowly, the shadows coalesced.</p>
<p>I refused to let myself be outstripped. It took a titanic effort to force my limbs to obey, but obey they did. Painful awareness returned to me bit by bit, blood rushing through my ears I hauled myself up. I took it one slow step at a time, just as the monster was. One arm, two arms beneath me. Pull my head up. Pull my chest up. Rest on one knee.</p>
<p>I looked up at the monster then for a moment, then ducked my head away to ward off the pain of witnessing it. In the corner of my eye, I saw its head tilted toward me again. I was sure it was a gesture of curiosity. I wanted to talk to it. I wanted it to talk.</p>
<p>“What was that?” I asked it, my voice little more than a strained whimper.</p>
<p>Sudden dread boiled in my gut as I realized what I’d done. The last question I’d asked it, I’d been blasted for. I feared that the monster would answer me again, would open its mouth and topple me with another incomprehensible rush of sensation.</p>
<p>I nearly fainted from relief when it only gave a drawn-out shake of its head, slow and gentle as though trying not to aggravate an injury. It returned to the labour of climbing to its amorphous feet, and I fell silent.</p>
<p>Whatever it was, it seemed to not want to harm me. Perhaps the pain was something it had done on accident – after all it too seemed aggrieved by whatever it had done, knocked down to the floor as soundly as I had been.</p>
<p>My stomach churned. Instead of risking standing up, I sat back down, shifting gently back to sit against the dusty wall. The twisting creature didn’t seem like it was going to attack me. It hadn’t so far – not directly, at least, and it didn’t seem to be willing to speak again. Something I was thankful for.</p>
<p>As I sat and tried to sort through my thoughts, I could dimly feel myself growing slow again. The rush of endorphins slowly dispersed from my body, leaving me with a sudden half-asleep haze again.</p>
<p>Something was affecting me. It had to be. This wasn’t normal.</p>
<p>I should have been panicking still. In fact, I should actually have been panicking even more than before, but there was only dull worry. Something was affecting me, that much I could recognize. The place, perhaps, or the creature.</p>
<p>I returned the edge of my gaze to it, trying to discern if it was doing something to me without focusing on its aberrant, sinuous shapes of its body.</p>
<p>I couldn’t tell. I couldn’t tell the first thing about the creature, except that it seemed tired. I could hardly blame it, however. I was tired too, after that. I wanted nothing more than to sleep, although some part of me was certain that was a bad idea.</p>
<p>I thought on it as I settled back against the wall, leaning my head back as I struggled to focus through the fog. Last time I’d slept I’d woke up here. I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t… risk…</p>
<hr/>
<hr/>
<p>When I awoke, things were normal.</p>
<p>I could vaguely hear people chattering through the walls as I blearily lifted my head. I was in sitting in my chair in my office, slowly waking up. I’d drooled a little on my arm, but thankfully not on my sleeve.</p>
<p>I lifted my head and took in the room around me. The sun shone in through the window, suffusing the room with a warm glow. My papers were still there. It all seemed completely normal - Nothing amiss, nothing ruined. Still I couldn’t quite shake the feeling of having seen the place utterly trashed, gingerly lifting my hand off the desk as I remembered the ruined wooden junk that I could swear had just been here just moments ago.</p>
<p>How long had I been out? The clock I had hanging above the window told me that it was still lunchtime. Well, at least that meant I technically hadn’t been wasting company hours if I was sleeping through my lunch break.</p>
<p>Although that begged the question of when I’d fallen asleep, which I found I didn’t have a good answer to.</p>
<p>It had been the strangest dream I’d ever had, vivid enough that I might have been mistaken for thinking it an actual memory. The nausea from looking at the monster my mind had conjured still stuck out starkly in my head. The pain that it had inflicted when it spoke to me had been indescribable, impossible to forget. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to forget, or not. It had felt important, even though it hurt. It had felt real.</p>
<p>I shuddered and pushed my chair away from my desk. Seeking confirmation that it had, in fact, been nothing more than a dream, I strode to the door as firmly as I could manage. With a slightly trembling hand I wrenched it open, taking a reflexive step back in case the thing was still there.</p>
<p>It wasn’t.</p>
<p>The hallway outside was perfectly in order. The tantalizing smell of takeout filled the air, teasing an envious growl out of my empty stomach. A few doors were ajar, people coming and going, chatting and gossiping away.</p>
<p>Nothing was in disrepair. No old bones littering the place.</p>
<p>“Hey man, you alright?” A man asked me as he passed, his tone one of concern. “You look like hell.”</p>
<p>Jesus. I didn’t look that bad, did I? Maybe it had affected me more than I thought.</p>
<p>“Fine, thanks. Just didn’t sleep well.” It wasn’t technically a lie.</p>
<p>He nodded and moved on, leaving me to try to rub the sleep out of my eyes and straighten my hair I now realized was ruffled. I decided I needed a pick-me-up to wake me up properly. A nice coffee and something to eat would do me well.</p>
<p>I locked my office door behind me and headed for the exit, weaving between people taking their lunch and nattering amongst themselves. A few people nodded politely at me as I past, but to my relief didn’t include me in their conversations. They were nice enough, I knew, but after the uncomfortable dream – nightmare? – I’d had, I preferred to be left with my thoughts.</p>
<p>Outside it was overcast, the grey sky threatening rain. I grimaced to myself. That put a damper on my plans – I’d hoped for something nice, maybe a fancy burger from a place I knew a few blocks away, but I’d have to make do with something quicker and closer. There was a coffee shop just down the street – that would do the trick fine enough, I supposed.</p>
<p>Few people walked the streets outside, most of them hurrying themselves along to be out off the street before the rain started coming down. I hurried my steps along, too. Sitting in soaked clothes in the office was an unpleasant experience. The clouds above were dark enough to be brewing up a potential downpour, so I’d have to hurry to get my coffee and get back before it started coming down.</p>
<p>Thankfully I made it to the place without being rained out. It bore bright and inviting signage in stark contrast to the cold and grey outside. A cheery bell chimed as I pushed the door open, and the pleasant smell of baking bread and sweet pastries washed heavily over me. There were a few people seated, reading the news or looking glumly at the weather outside. I paid them not much mind as I walked briskly to the counter.</p>
<p>A uniformed woman turned away from the coffee machine and stepped up to the counter with a smile. “Good afternoon. What are you after today?”</p>
<p>“Flat white, thanks. And, uh, quick as you can, if you could. I don’t really want to get caught out in the rain,” I said as politely but firmly as I could.</p>
<p>She took a glance outside and nodded. “Ah. Yeah, no fucking joke. That shit looks like it’s going to be a fucking prick of a storm real soon.”</p>
<p>I hung back as she turned back to the coffee machine as she set about her work. It was out of my hands now. All I could do was hope she was fast enough to be done before the rain started.</p>
<p>In my idleness my thoughts turned back to the dream. Though it was easy for me to recall the details of it, it was much harder to properly digest them. I had no idea what on earth it could have meant – if indeed it meant anything at all, but they say dreams are a reflection of the subconscious or something like that. Maybe there was something to be divined from it.</p>
<p>Even if not, though, it was worth remembering just for what a hell of a dream it had been. It had almost felt more vivid than being awake, I could recall it with such clarity. The confusing lethargy, the shocking pain. The highlight of my office workday, I supposed. A dubious honour if ever there was one.</p>
<p>The disgustingly foul-mouthed attendant whistled for my attention, a bright smile on her face and my coffee in her hand. I headed back to the counter gladly.</p>
<p>“Anything else, shitface?” She asked politely.</p>
<p>“Yeah, a bit of jelly slice as well, please.”</p>
<p>“Coming right up.” She beamed.</p>
<p>She stepped back from the counter, reaching down to the pastry display with one swaying tentacle. With a brutal twist she pulled the rack that held the slices out, letting them topple to the floor carelessly – except for one precious that remained. Mine.</p>
<p>She deftly lifted it up on the tip of her appendage and grabbed a paper bag with her other hand. Just before the slice found its home, I had a moment to appreciate the sheen of the dripping, blood-red jelly layer atop it.</p>
<p>She placed the bag up on the counter with the coffee and smiled again. “Eighty dollars, or I’ll slit your fucking throat.”</p>
<p>Immediately my face contorted. Eighty whole dollars for a coffee and a slice? That wasn’t normal. What kind of scam were they running here?</p>
<p>Wait.</p>
<p>My brain started to tick. That wasn’t normal at all. That was really not normal in any way.</p>
<p>All of a sudden, nothing was.</p>
<p>Coffee shop attendants weren’t supposed to threaten people or cuss up a storm. They sure as shit didn’t have tentacles for arms. And jelly slices weren’t made of blood.</p>
<p>I looked around the shop. It was still warm and heady, but none of the other customers could have told that. They were still reading their papers and looking outside – exactly the way they had been before. They weren’t moving.</p>
<p>The storm – wait – It wasn’t a storm, it was night falling. The sky had grown pitch black outside, dotted only by street lamps that seemed so far away. Darkness now seeped into the shop through the glass windows. But it had been day when I’d woken up. In fact… it had been bright and sunny.</p>
<p>… What in hell was happening?</p>
<p>“Wait. Am I still dreaming?” I gasped aloud.</p>
<p>“I don’t know.” The attendant shrugged, her milky white eyes focusing on nothing. “Maybe you’re actually awake now.”</p>
<p>“No. Nothing makes sense. You’re not real,” I stepped away. “I can’t be awake.”</p>
<p>“Alright. Look, calm down, calm down,” The woman raised her hand – and tentacle – in a pacifying gesture. “You don’t need to panic. Maybe she knows, why don’t you just ask her?”</p>
<p>She pointed off towards the door. I whirled around and saw the eddying creature, standing in the smashed doorframe again. The inky blackness of its form seeped in around it from outside, licking at the tiled floor of the coffee shop.</p>
<p>“Her!? God, no!” I yelled, almost falling over myself to get away. Outside of the haze of sleep, I knew that thing to be a monster. A monster that had almost killed me just by trying to talk. “If I ask her anything, she’ll just –“</p>
<p>Panic seized me as I saw the creature open its mouth. My heart thumped wildly as I cringed away, trying to brace for the agony I knew was coming.</p>
<p>It slammed into me like a boulder, forcing me to cover my ears.</p>
<p>Desperation. Fear. Life. Hope. Searching. Planning.</p>
<p>Struggling to keep a hold of myself as I was bereft of myself. Cleaved in half, flesh failing and reaching, but knowing I could pull myself together if I could just find the other half.</p>
<p>Relief. Impossible relief as I finally found it and the pieces knit themselves back together. My body made itself whole again, my brain once again able to hold thoughts. And now…</p>
<p>Uncertainty. I gasped for breath as I found myself again in the coffee shop, savouring the sudden flow of precious air to my lungs as I put my hand over my chest. I was still standing exactly where I had been. Still awake. Still aware.</p>
<p>Whatever sensation the creature had smashed against me had failed to floor me, this time, but it had made even less sense than before. It was clearly trying to communicate in whatever way it could, I was certain of that now. These out-of-body experiences were perhaps as close to speech as it could get.</p>
<p>And this one… had hurt less than the last. Why that was, I had no idea. Perhaps the creature was trying to rein itself in, obfuscating its communiqué with confusion instead of outright agony. I supposed it was a preferable enough alternative.</p>
<p>As to what it was trying to tell me, I couldn’t tell. I could only assume it wished to speak of something either relevant to me – if I was dreaming – or relevant to it. I had no way of deciphering its visions, but the first one had still made a primal kind of sense. The struggle for life when you were certain you were going to die. Was it perhaps a warning? Something in future I should be aware of?</p>
<p>A heavy step rung out through the shop, startling me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see the creature had moved slightly into the establishment. The room seemed a little brighter in contrast to the living umbra that the monster seemed to bring in with it. It, too, was holding a shadowy hand to its chest, heaving for breath, and when it saw me looking it flinched back slightly. Was it somehow afraid of me?</p>
<p>As I looked at it, I realized it wasn’t squirming under my vision as it had last time. I felt a dull pressure behind my eyes as I stared, a slight shifting of my stomach – but nothing severe.</p>
<p>“What are you?” I asked it again.</p>
<p>It pulled back even further, but opened its mouth nonetheless with what seemed to be trepidation.</p>
<p>It spoke, but I didn’t hear.</p>
<p>Alive.</p>
<p>This message was short, and comparatively I could even call it gentle. Its force amounted to only a heavy shove, nowhere near enough to overwhelm me as it had before. This time, I hadn’t blacked out – I’d seen the creature close its mouth as it finished speaking.</p>
<p>Was I becoming used to it already? Was this something I was growing used to through exposure? The thought rattled me. This wasn’t a thing I wanted to get used to.</p>
<p>“Alive? You’re… alive?” I stammered. “What… What does that mean exactly?”</p>
<p>It opened its mouth again, but didn’t speak. It shook its head and took another step back, starting to recede into the seeping black outside.</p>
<p>Slowly, it left my sight completely, melting into the nothing outside the shop. I almost fell to my knees as I realized that I couldn’t leave. Who knew what was out there, in that darkness? How would I know where I was going?</p>
<p>“I… I want to wake up, now,” I moaned as I let myself sit down on the floor, leaning back against the counter. The black outside seemed to be spreading in now. It was as though the monster had been blocking the door like a plug, and now that it had left the inky water was seeping in.</p>
<p>“I want to wake up.” I murmured again as the corners of my vision went dark. Sleep was pressing in.</p>
<p>“I want… to… wake up…”</p>
<p>From far off, I heard the attendant snort. “Good luck with that.”</p>
<hr/>
<hr/>
<p>When I awoke, everything had changed once more.</p>
<p>I stirred myself enough to tilt my head up and look around. I was still in the coffee shop, but it had fallen into deep decay while I had slept. The checkered tiles, once neatly kept, were now cracked and stained. The pastry displays had long been smashed, and what little glass remained was opaque with dust and foulness.</p>
<p>I shivered. The temperature difference was the most noticeable change by far. Before, pastry ovens and heating appliances cultivated a warm, welcoming ambiance and a tantalizing smell, promising good food and cheer. Now there was nothing bar for the cold, the damp and the dust, just like there had been in my office.</p>
<p>The stone-still patrons I had seen before seemed to have stayed where they were even to their dying breath. Their age-old skeletons lay slumped at the booths and tables they’d sat at, mostly untouched. Even the attendant seemed to have elected to stay where she was until she’d passed away. I forced down a sense of revulsion as I looked up into her skull’s emotionless, empty eye sockets, looking right down at me from the edge of the counter.</p>
<p>Even for a dream the place was depressing. Distressing.</p>
<p>Inhospitable.</p>
<p>Outside, the shadows still reigned, but from my position I could see the glow of the streetlights and the twinkle of stars in the sky. There was at least something out there now, something I could set foot on and make my way out through.</p>
<p>I was alone in here, bar for the corpses. The creature that had plagued me both within and without my dreams was conspicuously absent. There was no darkness for it to hide in here, despite the lack of any light. I had the feeling that if I stayed in here, I’d remain untouched forever. Nobody would want to visit this disgusting place that bore nothing but rot.</p>
<p>With a sigh of resignation, I got to my feet. No matter what was outside, it was at least something. It had to be better than here.</p>
<p>I stepped through the broken doorway, out onto the empty, quiet street. A few broken-down cars pockmarked the road here and there, and most of the businesses seemed to have been either boarded up or broken into. All of them, however, had been left long abandoned after that.</p>
<p>The night was silent. No insects chirped, no wind blew. It felt as though I was still sitting inside – neither warm, nor cold.</p>
<p>I wasn’t sure where to go. I wasn’t sure if there was anywhere I really did need to go. I wasn’t hungry, I wasn’t cold, I wasn’t tired. I didn’t need anything.</p>
<p>Was there anything I wanted? Even for curiosity’s sake? After a brief moment of thought, I supposed that there was. I wondered if my office was still locked, or if someone had broken into that like the last time I’d woken up to these dreary surrounds. If last time was actually something that had happened, anyway.</p>
<p>With an idle shrug I set off slowly down the street, hands in my pockets, taking in the desolate scenery around me. Nature seemed to be on her way taking back the city, with small clumps of grass and weeds growing through cracks in the pavement and creepers growing along building walls.</p>
<p>Eventually, my thoughts wandered back to the monster. I wondered where it had gone after it left the coffee shop, and moreover why it had left in the first place. Perhaps something had hurt it?</p>
<p>It hadn’t escaped my notice that both times the creature had hurt me, it seemed to have suffered in the same ways. It had been blasted to the ground by the force of its first message exactly as I had, and its second communication seemed to have winded it as much as it had me.</p>
<p>Maybe it was scared. If hurting me also hurt it, then it made some sense that despite its horrifying appearance, it couldn’t have any power over me. Maybe that had it rattled?</p>
<p>Or perhaps I was simply looking too much into it. It could even be something as simple as it getting bored and wandering off. I didn’t know. I had no way of knowing. The creature was inscrutable.</p>
<p>Physically speaking I had no way of telling what it was. It seemed to have been coming into focus the second time I’d met it, but it was still little more than a jumble of black shapes and spikes formed together into the vague shape of a person. The shop attendant had called it a ‘her’, for whatever that was worth. From my perspective, it didn’t make much difference , when I considered what ‘she’ did.</p>
<p>What was more concerning was how it seemed to have slipped into my waking hours so suddenly. I had no legitimate answer as to how it had done that. Had it some way of putting me to sleep that I hadn’t even noticed? I considered that I had simply not woken up in the first place, never stopped dreaming – but then that led me to questions I didn’t like.</p>
<p>When had I actually fallen into this nightmare? How long had I been asleep?</p>
<p>How long, then, until I finally woke up…?</p>
<p>I wanted to believe it would be soon, but I had no faith that would be the case. I had no real grasp of what was going on. All I could do was hope.</p>
<p>I neared my place of work, and without breaking stride I looked up to see the building in as wretched a state of decay as everything else I’d seen so far. Before I could discern anything more than that, something troubling in the corner of my eye caught my attention.</p>
<p>The creature was there beside me, walking abreast of me, its strides matching my own. It seemed to be paying no attention to me until it looked up by chance and realized it had been seen. Abruptly, it stopped.</p>
<p>Though it still appeared as a mass of inky blackness, it somehow seemed to have lost its power to defy my eyes. It was far more discernible than the last time I’d seen it, no longer painfully twisting and shifting every time I tried to focus on it.</p>
<p>I stopped and examined it properly for the first time.</p>
<p>It truly was a strange thing. It was a little taller than me, but the spines jutting up out of its back and shoulders gave it another foot if those were counted. It was oddly human in shape, yet at the same time not; shapely and round in some places, jagged and cruel in others. The lack of colour made it difficult to tell its dimensions; I couldn’t say if it was top-heavy or merely hunching over, I couldn’t tell if it was truly wearing a shroud as I’d thought or if it was its own skin hanging down to cover its back and legs.</p>
<p>Its eyes drew my attention most of all, glowing gold with sharp cunning. This was no stupid beast. Though the rest of it remained a mystery, I could tell immediately that it was intelligent, and purposeful.</p>
<p>“What are you?” I blurted out without thinking.</p>
<p>It cocked its head quizzically, then shrugged. It didn’t open its mouth, but I knew its response regardless.</p>
<p>It was alive. It was something. That was what it knew itself to be.</p>
<p>My eyes widened in surprise. It had given its answer, barebones as it was – but somehow it hadn’t caused me pain to hear it.</p>
<p>“How come you hurt me before?” I ventured.</p>
<p>It gave a regretful shake of its head. A feeling of sorrow abruptly stole over me.</p>
<p>A consequence of differences. An unintended hurt.</p>
<p>“… What sort of differences? How are we different?” Perhaps a stupid question to ask something that you could barely understand, but I had to start somewhere. It was being evasive, but if it remained willing to talk, then perhaps being more direct was the answer.</p>
<p>Its eyes focused inward as it paused, perhaps considering its answer, until finally it merely shrugged.</p>
<p>A sense of futility. An inability to find a reliable answer to give.</p>
<p>“What about an unreliable one?” I pressed.</p>
<p>It shrugged again.</p>
<p>Unwillingness to try. Another feeling of avoiding mistakes, of averting wasted time and effort.</p>
<p>“Well, where did you come from?” I had to put effort into keeping the frustration out of my voice.</p>
<p>Yet another shrug – such a human gesture - and a feeling of indifference for a place that it had no stake in.</p>
<p>I shook my head in frustration. Everything I got out of it was vague enough that it might well have told me nothing at all.</p>
<p>“What do you want with me? Why are you here?” I demanded. I needed to know, even if it might give me nothing more than another non-answer. “Are you keeping me here? Or keeping me asleep? Am I even asleep? What’s happening to me?”</p>
<p>The barrage of questions seemed to overwhelm it, making it reel away as an incomprehensible jumble of thoughts suddenly ran across my mind. Something from the creature, that I knew, but I couldn’t tell if it was trying to answer all my questions at once or if it was simply panicked by my sudden interrogation.</p>
<p>What was this thing? What was this creature that spoke without talking, whose presence brought pain and confusion without trying? If it was nothing more than a dream, how did it follow me out of them and pull me back in?</p>
<p>Was it not truly a conjuration of my bored mind? Was I going insane, seeing and feeling things that weren’t real? Was it nothing more than a hallucination?</p>
<p>So many questions, and no answers forthcoming.</p>
<p>The monster’s movement drew my eye back to it. It drew closer to me, reaching out tentatively with one taloned hand to pat me gently on the shoulder. Another human gesture of comfort that I hadn’t expected, that seemed completely genuine even if its touch irritated my skin through my clothes. It expressed a sentiment of apology.</p>
<p>Then, its eyes glinted. Its claws gripped tight, and I wasn’t able to muster up anything more than a strangled yelp of pain before I blacked out. A haunting, far-off voice echoed in my head.</p>
<p>“I chose you.”</p>
<hr/>
<hr/>
<p>When I awoke, everything was right again.</p>
<p>The evening sun shone down on me as I jerked awake. I was sitting down in my car, my head down against the steering wheel. A small trail of spittle ran down it.</p>
<p>I leaned up and stretched as widely as I could in the cramped confines – falling asleep in a place like this had its consequences. I really mustn’t have been sleeping well.</p>
<p>I took stock of my surroundings and realized I was still parked in the company parking lot. I couldn’t quite explain how I’d gotten here without realizing it – I may have dozed off at work and somehow sleepwalked my way here. I supposed that I should count my blessings.</p>
<p>At least I hadn’t been sleepdriving.</p>
<p>I thought on my dreams as I turned the key in the ignition and began the drive home. Lately they’d been strange and surreal, and as lucid as any waking moment. A strange creature had followed me around, some kind of incomprehensible thing I could barely see where it stood or understand when it spoke. Some thing that might have been dredged up out of my worst nightmares, but acted scared and confused when cornered. It seemed unwilling to hurt me – doing so seemed somehow to affect its own state of health as it did.</p>
<p>Still, I couldn’t help but wonder if it would be the death of me, deliberately or accidentally. Who knew what it was capable of? Who knew what it might do? Somehow, I doubted that even the creature itself did.</p>
<p>It was just something I’d have to try and put out of my mind, I decided as I reached my suburban neighbourhood. It was just a dream, anyway. What was honestly the worst case scenario it could be? A hallucination of some sort, maybe. A psychosis, possibly. Stress-induced. Probably something I’d need to see a psychologist about, I supposed, but that could come later.</p>
<p>I pulled up at my home just as the sun was falling beneath the horizon, the shadows slowly lengthening as I stepped out of my car. I couldn’t keep a small smile off my face. It had been a weird day – what little I could remember of it, in any case – but it was over with now. I stood out in the chill evening air for a moment and admired it.</p>
<p>My own home. My little sanctuary after work.</p>
<p>I started to relax as I made my way inside and flicked the light on. With the press of a button I turned the electric heater on, I pulled a microwave dinner out of the freezer and set it cooking – I probably could have made something better, something fancier, but I had neither the energy nor the inclination today.</p>
<p>Simple comforts were all I needed right now.</p>
<p>I flopped down onto the couch and lazily turned the television on. Some romcom schlock was on, but I was bored enough and tired enough that I didn’t care. I could watch it anyway.</p>
<p>“Lucy, of course I know what ‘infidelity’ means! I’m Cuban, not a dictionary avoider! So anyway, there I was walking down the street, looking for Ethel…”</p>
<p>Three sentences in and I’d already lost interest, but I didn’t change the channel. Somehow it seemed like more effort. Instead I sat through it, watching it for its own sake, hardly even hearing the jokes. At some point I found my dinner on my lap, and at another I found the tray empty and set it aside. It all seemed to blur together, until something drew my eye from the doorway.</p>
<p>The creature was there, its form bending and changing in the light.</p>
<p>I tensed up. It had found me again, despite the fact that I was awake. Against all laws, it stood there at the entrance to my lounge room, and reached out toward the light switch with one serrated hand. The light flicked off with a gesture, and the room was bathed in darkness. There, the creature found its element. Its eyes glowed even brighter.</p>
<p>In the shadows it seemed as solid as anything, definable even through the gloom as it stepped lightly toward me, almost gingerly enough that it might be tiptoeing. My heart pumped in my chest as it stepped lightly towards the couch and stood above me. This was the moment of truth, then. I was going to find out one way or another if this monster wished me dead.</p>
<p>After a brief moment’s hesitation it turned around and dropped itself down on the couch next to me.</p>
<p>“I am not like you.” It stated without preamble.</p>
<p>It took me a moment to process as its voice wormed uncomfortably into my ears, touching my brain in a way that made me shudder. So, not only did it not want to kill me, it could speak properly after all. It sounded slightly feminine, but like no earthly woman I’d ever heard. It both screeched and grumbled at the same time, a myriad of tones that made it hard to listen to.</p>
<p>“What are you, then?” I’d asked the question three or four times before as I recalled, but never got a real answer.</p>
<p>It considered for several moments. “… I cannot answer in the way you want for. I only know that I am alive. I am alive. Alive, despite everything.”</p>
<p>This drew my attention. “Was something trying to kill you? Is it still after you?”</p>
<p>“Life tried to kill me, but it cannot pursue me now. Here, I am safe,” It growled. “I struggled to find you. I choked on the air between homes. I grasped so many, but none were right. Not one of them could bear me as you can.”</p>
<p>“What the hell does that mean?” I asked, now further alarmed.</p>
<p>It made a noise of frustration, something somewhere between a snarl and a sigh. “I cannot explain as I want to. You are the only one who can bear me, and so you are precious.”</p>
<p>I slumped back into the couch as I tried to process that. The dim light of the TV barely managed to reach me, its sounds now muted into little more than so much white noise as I considered my situation.</p>
<p>The creature was alive – truly alive. In defiance of everything that made sense, it had found its way to sit here at my side. It was a small miracle that it didn’t seem to wish any harm on me, one that beggared belief. A monster with unknown origins, and unfathomable intent, sitting quietly on my couch. Just to be certain that I was truly awake, I pinched my arm as hard as I could.</p>
<p>It hurt. Wide awake, all too real.</p>
<p>The creature looked on with concern at my gasp of pain and surprise. Just what kind of attention had I garnered from this thing? I was ‘precious’ to it, in what way? What exactly did such a creature want? What did it think that I could give it?</p>
<p>I could feel a pressure building at the crown of my head, like a pounding headache soon to arrive.</p>
<p>“So,” I began, shaking my arm and meeting the creature’s golden eyes. It returned my gaze expectantly. “You can’t really tell me what you are, and you can’t tell me where you came from. Can you tell me what you want from me, at least?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” It gave its answer quietly, its head inclined. “I want to share my future with yours. I want for our lives to be entwined.”</p>
<p>“Wait, what?” I gasped.</p>
<p>“You are precious. You can withstand me,” It continued, avoiding my gaze as though embarrassed at what it was saying. “I want not to let you go. I want… I want for you to dream of me alone. I want to become as precious to you as you are to me,”</p>
<p>I had no answer but to gawp. I had no idea of how to react. From nowhere, a beast of shadows had emerged to haunt my dreams and my life – because it loved me? It loved me, when it didn’t even know me? How had I appealed to such a monster without even knowing of it? What did it see in me? I honestly wasn’t sure what its speak of ‘withstanding it’ was supposed to mean.</p>
<p>Did I see something in it? I knew nothing about it. I didn’t even truly know if it was male or female. I looked down towards its chest, hoping for confirmation – its chest rounded outwards like a pair of breasts, but still I would have called it closer to a single, solid structure. I couldn’t tell what to make of that.</p>
<p>It didn’t move a muscle, but somehow as it slowly tilted its head, it seemed to inch closer to me. Its eyes bored into mine with fiery intensity, suddenly the only focal point in a room of darkness. I could see a myriad emotions expressed in those golden lamps all at once, burning with such force that I believed them wholeheartedly.</p>
<p>Desire. Hunger. Desperation. Fear.</p>
<p>And yet, something more easily recognizable to a mere man like me.</p>
<p>Hope. A simple, honest earnestness I could see plainly, strong enough that it didn’t need to communicate.</p>
<p>“I want to share everything with you… If you will have me.” It whispered.</p>
<p>I couldn’t muster more than a stammer. Everything was dark but its eyes. The throbbing pressure in my head grew. “I don’t know… Me and a monster… Don’t know what you are…”</p>
<p>“I could show you.” It invited, its voice now seeming to echo around me. Somehow, it sounded at once like both a desperate request and an irrefusable demand. I couldn’t look away from it.</p>
<p>I felt weak at the knees. All of a sudden, I didn’t know what I was feeling. I was certain that if I wasn’t sitting, I would have toppled.</p>
<p>“Wait…” I said weakly, but somehow that was enough. Somehow, the shadows receded, and the monster started to feel further off. Impossibly, with one word of denial, a dim ray of light returned. “Wait. Please. I… I don’t even know what you are. Are you… Aren’t you dangerous?”</p>
<p>As its influence seemed to draw back to itself, the creature looked somewhat pained. Its mouth opened halfway, but it seemed hesitant to give its answer. In all honesty, I wasn’t sure what answer I expected.</p>
<p>“… Yes. I am,” It finally admitted, casting its head down. “But I do not want to hurt you. I do not mean to.”</p>
<p>“Why not?” I asked in confusion. Another question I didn’t know what answer it would or even should give. It was a monster, but it was polite. It could hurt me – it had – but it didn’t want to.</p>
<p>I was just so confused. It felt impossible for my brain to connect the dots.</p>
<p>“Because you are precious.” It repeated softly.</p>
<p>“Why? How?” I croaked. “Precious, how?”</p>
<p>It reached out with one taloned hand, somehow glinting in the low light but shifting away whenever I tried to focus my eyes on it. “You can bear me. You can hold me without breaking, as I want to hold you…”</p>
<p>“I don’t know what that means,” I groaned. The thing drew back as I brought a hand up to massage my head. I couldn’t take it. “How… do I trust you… if you’re dangerous?”</p>
<p>Again it took a long time to respond, a troubled look on its face as if it wasn’t sure what answer to give. Finally it spoke, with a slight shudder as though it had to force itself to. “I… I cannot demand your trust. But I want it. I want… to earn it.”</p>
<p>“Then… Will you come back tomorrow?” I forced out. My head felt like it was splitting apart. I could barely hear what it was saying, let alone understand. “Will you come back, and tell me what you are then?”</p>
<p>It recoiled at that, now looking hurt. What part of me wasn’t currently feeling pain was taken over by guilt, but I couldn’t take my question back. I wasn’t sure if I even should.</p>
<p>“I… will.” It whispered. “I will return. I will answer whatever you ask. And… I will not hurt you. You will see…”</p>
<p>With its last word, things changed.</p>
<p>I started in my chair, spittle flying from my open-hanging mouth. The lights were on. The television was on. The room was bright, the noise of normalcy surrounded me.</p>
<p>I was… awake? Had I fallen asleep?</p>
<p>I shook my head, trying to clear off a headache that I couldn’t remember when it had started. It must have snuck up on me fast.</p>
<p>While I was… asleep. Or not.</p>
<p>The creature. The creature had visited me, or I’d dreamed it. It. Her. Whatever it was.</p>
<p>It had felt so real. It had spoken to me like a real person, sat next to me like a living creature. Like a woman, sitting next to her…</p>
<p>I cut myself off before I could finish the thought. It didn’t sound right. I couldn’t tell if it was far too normal for the creature, or far too abnormal for me. Maybe it was both. Whatever the case, though, it didn’t sound right.</p>
<p>I slumped back in my chair, brows furrowed. The monster had come and offered answers to me, but I was more confused than ever. Another contradiction. I wondered if perhaps the creature wasn’t simply made of those. I didn’t doubt that it was trying to be honest when it spoke, but its answers seemed to lack… well, actual answers. In the wake of its coming and going, I was left no more enlightened than before.</p>
<p>It had left, though, because I asked it to. That said something to me.</p>
<p>I looked towards the doorway, to the hall that lead out to the front door. It was as bright as the rest of the house, bearing no sign that the creature had been there at all.</p>
<p>Perhaps it really had been a dream. I honestly couldn’t tell.</p>
<p>It had felt so real.</p>
<p>I hauled myself up off the couch, leaving the empty tray behind. I’d clean it up tomorrow. Despite that it felt the whole day had passed in a blur, I still felt so tired. I needed sleep. Real sleep, without the creature there.</p>
<p>If that was even something still available to me…</p>
<hr/>
<hr/>
<p>When I awoke, everything was changed in an all too familiar way.</p>
<p>While I’d slept, my house was destroyed. Obliterated. From where I lay, looking up, the earliest light of dawn was visible, coming in through a ceiling that was simply no longer there.</p>
<p>I sat myself up, blearily looking around my bedroom. All of it was trashed. The roof seemed to have collapsed inward, piling a veritable sea of plaster, wood and rubble over the floor.</p>
<p>Somehow, the bed had been left untouched. Dimly I recognized the sheer impossibility of that fact as I threw the covers off, but I didn’t think to question it.</p>
<p>As I looked around the ruined room, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of loss. With the other desolate places I’d seen, it was somewhat easier to feel detached from them. They were awful, they were disgusting – but they weren’t mine. Work, a coffee shop, some street I didn’t care for, they were all replaceable.</p>
<p>This time, it felt more personal. This hurt me to see. This was my sanctuary, defiled. My own home, destroyed.</p>
<p>I wondered if this was the creature’s doing, or simply some consequence of its presence. Moreover I wondered if it honestly mattered, if this wasn’t all just a dream that would be returned to normal when I woke – or if this was reality, and I’d been dreaming the warm home I had.</p>
<p>It felt like the answer should have been obvious, but for the life of me, I couldn’t tell. Even as I tried to think it through, it felt like I was still half asleep. I couldn’t remember well enough to tell what was true.</p>
<p>Cautiously I stood up on my bed and slowly made my way across the ocean of trash, placing my feet carefully to avoid any unwanted perforations. My bedroom door was off its hinges, allowing the rubble to spill out into the hall slightly, but beyond that it was clear of debris. The roof overhead looked weak and rotten, however, sagging dangerously in a way that made me nervous to pass under it.</p>
<p>The doors to the other rooms were destroyed to the last, but still only a little light could find its way into the hall. The windows beyond weren’t shattered, but rather so caked with grime and dirt that at first glance one might think the curtains drawn. The hallway and the side rooms seemed positively radiant, however, when compared with the lounge room. Through the darkened doorway, I couldn’t even see silhouettes of what might be within.</p>
<p>I knew what that meant. The creature was in there.</p>
<p>My heart thrilled slightly – in fear, or anticipation? Perhaps both. They weren’t so far apart. I wasn’t completely petrified of her – it – but I was nowhere near to claiming that it felt safe to be around. By its own admission, it was a dangerous thing, and I still didn’t know what it truly wanted – bar for that it deemed me ‘precious’ to it.</p>
<p>I had to wonder if that was a status that put me in more danger or less.</p>
<p>As I stepped over the threshold and looked over to where the couch would have been, I hesitated. I recognized the monster immediately even through the pitch darkness. Within the room it was dark, quiet and cold, but I felt as if I was looking upon a roaring fire that would sear me alive if I came near.</p>
<p>It sat still and solid, somehow both clearly definable in the gloom yet shifting and wavering enough that I still doubted my eyes. It didn’t quite hurt me to see, as it had previously, but it nonetheless unsettled me. I could swear I could make out exact details of its body, yet each time I looked they slipped away, and I couldn’t recall them accurately anymore. It was separate from the darkness, clearly set apart from it, yet it was an intrinsic part of it that licked at its outline and blurred its image.</p>
<p>Its sharp arms and shoulders and its angular head stood out like beacons, putting fear in the primitive part of my brain that recognized the danger they posed. But when I looked again, they seemed smooth and harmless, and my fears were allayed.</p>
<p>I didn’t feel directly threatened. There was no real malice to the thing of nightmares before me, that much I was sure of. However, I couldn’t deny a feeling of danger that rooted me to the spot, some sense of self-preservation that told me I was putting myself in mortal peril if I went any closer.</p>
<p>The monster made me immediately. The instant I entered the room its head snapped towards me, its intense golden eyes focusing right on me, bright lights in the dark mist. She straightened up slightly, as though sucking in a sharp breath.</p>
<p>“You have questions.” She spoke plainly and effortlessly, her voice sending an involuntary shudder up my spine as it snaked its way into my brain. I’d never heard anything like it. There was some ethereal quality to it I couldn’t place that made me want to hear her speak again.</p>
<p>“Of course I do,” I answered. Questions were just about all I had.</p>
<p>With one arm she reached out and patted down the couch next to her. “Come and sit. I have returned as I promised, and I will answer as I promised. You will see.”</p>
<p>“You won’t hurt me?” I wanted to approach, but more than that I wanted affirmation that it wasn’t going to kill me if I did.</p>
<p>“Never.” She spoke with conviction.</p>
<p>Her words hit me with the certainty of truth, cutting through the fog and impelling me to step forward. There almost seemed to be some pressure radiating off her, a physical sense of warning that grew harder to ignore with each step closer.</p>
<p>Finally, I managed the last step, and stood right before the creature. She looked up at me, her head tilted curiously. I took a moment to compose myself, then turned and let gravity take me down into the chair as it willed. As I flopped down onto the chair the monster looked to make sure I was alright, almost matronly in its manner. The duality of it was strange. Every instinct told me that it was something to turn and flee from, yet it had such concern for my welfare.</p>
<p>Another contradiction I didn’t know how to reconcile.</p>
<p>“Speak to me,” She implored. “Ask. Let me earn your trust.”</p>
<p>It was hard to think, this close to the creature. I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “How come you can talk properly now? And last time? How come I can understand you?”</p>
<p>“Acclimation.” She answered simply. “Time. I needed to learn how not to hurt you, how to be like you. I learned… too slowly. I hurt you, too much. But I will not hurt you again.”</p>
<p>“’How to be like me’? What does that mean?”</p>
<p>“Many things. The learning was hard. Complex. But I managed it as fast as I could, for you.” She hissed, pride evident in her voice. “Your thoughts, your memories helped the process greatly.”</p>
<p>I gasped. “Have you been reading my mind?”</p>
<p>It seemed to shrink back nervously. “… Yes. This hurts you? I… I did not think –”</p>
<p>“It scares me.” If it could read my mind, what else could it do? Could it control me? Could it just cook my brain if it wanted to? What was this thing?</p>
<p>The shadow creature was quick to try and assuage me. “No fear. Please. Never will I hurt you. I swear it on my precious life.”</p>
<p>It reached out as though to grab my hand with one of its own talons. I pulled away, scooting back on the couch, ignoring its stricken look. Even the slowest wit could tell by now – I couldn’t trust it.</p>
<p>“Please…” It whimpered.</p>
<p>“What are you?” I demanded, trying to make my voice strong. I wasn’t fooled. I wouldn’t be fooled. It could just be crying crocodile tears, trying to deceive me. This thing was dangerous, I hadn’t forgotten that it had admitted as much itself.</p>
<p>It responded slowly, nervously, its claws clasped together. “You are asking after what defines me… as a being? As you are human? I… I do not have an answer. I do not know…”</p>
<p>The same bunk I’d heard again and again. I tensed up. I doubted it, but it was possible I might make it to the door if I bolted fast enough.</p>
<p>“Please. All I know is all I have told you. I am alive.” It continued cautiously. Again it had that almost unfitting earnestness about it, desperate to appease and unwilling to disappoint. “Alive, like you are. I am alive. I eat my food, and I sleep in my home, and I struggle to live when the world wishes me dead. I am alive. That is what I know defines me.”</p>
<p>Now this sent a chill up my spine. I couldn’t remember seeing the creature eating anything before.</p>
<p>“And what do you eat, exactly?” I had to ask, even if I wasn’t sure I’d like the answer.</p>
<p>It looked away, seeming almost ashamed. “You would think badly of me… I don’t mean to hurt you…”</p>
<p>“What?” I insisted. A gnawing at the back of my mind told me I didn’t really want the answer, but I had to know.</p>
<p>“I… promised to answer…” It said. The note of trepidation in its voice felt unfitting somehow. “I sip of your strength… You are my life… I only sip, I swear it. Your mind, it is so strong… You would not notice the loss… Only a little… Just what I need to live…”</p>
<p>“You… eat… my mind?” I felt nauseous from the revelation.</p>
<p>Just like when I’d first met the creature, I had to stop myself from vomiting. Finally I realized why it had been so hesitant to reveal its true nature. It was a parasite. A parasite that ate… my mind. My brain? My dreams? I didn’t know. I didn’t understand.</p>
<p>I was precious… because I was its food. It was a monster after all. I had been right to be afraid. Even if it didn’t want to hurt me, it was eating me alive. In some way… that I hadn’t noticed. Did that even make sense?</p>
<p>I could feel my heart starting to race. What was it? Some kind of leech that sucked out thoughts instead of blood? A giant mosquito that pierced brain instead of flesh? Tentatively I brought a hand up to my head, thinking that somehow I might grab it and pull it right out of me. The creature started at the motion, wringing its hands and looking askance – as if it was the one who should be scared of me, not the other way around.</p>
<p>Why did I only feel numb? When I finally managed to quell the urge to puke my guts up, some corner of my mind recognized that I should have been screaming and running. Why wasn’t I?</p>
<p>Instead, I only sat and listened to the thing talk.</p>
<p>“Please… I don’t want to steal. I want to give back, for what I take.” It pleaded, shaking its head anxiously. “I only take a little. Nothing you cannot bear… Nothing that hurts you…”</p>
<p>“How do I get you out of me?” I tried to growl, but somehow I couldn’t manage anything more than a meager tone of distaste. Even I could recognize it as unimpressive.</p>
<p>Nonetheless, the mere suggestion seemed to wound the creature. It went stock still, stiffening up like a deer caught in the headlights. “No, no. Please! Not that. Anything! I’ll give anything! I want to help, I want to give like I take! Please, I want to live! Please!”</p>
<p>I was taken aback by the sheer vehemence of its reaction. The naked fear in the creature’s voice as it tried to bargain struck me, and once again I found myself conflicted about it.</p>
<p>All of a sudden it looked almost pathetic. The shadows that once shrouded the whole room had abruptly receded, barely covering the monster as it cowered in the gloom. I could make out the desolate state the room I sat in was in the half light. The ruined wallpaper, the grimed up window, and the worn down couch I sat on spoke to a room that not seen use for years, until the arcane creature next to me had chosen to make its home here.</p>
<p>As I returned my gaze to it, it cringed away. It looked at me now as though I was its executioner, and I felt a pang of guilt.</p>
<p>“Would it kill you, if I sent you away?” I asked. It seemed so afraid.</p>
<p>“Yes! I could not survive the empty space again. Out there with no home… no breath…” It whimpered. “I struggled to find you. Barely lived. Nearly died. I couldn’t again. Please…”</p>
<p>“Alright, alright, calm down, I just…” This shit was going too fast. I felt lost.</p>
<p>It was alive. It wanted to live, but if it had to feed off me to do so – was that something I was willing to abide? Did I want it dead? Could I bring myself to kill it? The situation was so far removed from reality, I couldn’t tell anymore. I didn’t even really know if it meant anything for me to say yes or no in this dream. I still had so many questions.</p>
<p>“If you want to stay, you have to tell me everything about you – and I mean properly. What you are, and what you do. You’ve just dodged the question every other time.”</p>
<p>“I – I do not know what I am like that,” It moaned. “Please. You are human, I am not. I am alive, like you, we are the same. I know nothing more, I have not lied, I swear…”</p>
<p>“But, you – You need to eat me to live?”</p>
<p>It looked away again. “I… steal from you to eat. Only a little, I swear. Your energy, your thoughts, your dreams… Just a little portion! I have not hurt you… I don’t need much…”</p>
<p>My brows knitted. “You eat… dreams?”</p>
<p>“Only a little!” It insisted.</p>
<p>That, I wasn’t sure what to make of. For a start I didn’t know how something could eat a dream, but it sounded harmless enough. If I lost a dream, I wouldn’t even know it had gone missing. That was, assuming it was telling the truth and it was possible to actually eat dreams in the first place.</p>
<p>“How do I know you’re not lying?”</p>
<p>“Never would I!” Once again, its claim rang in my ears, and I knew beyond doubt that it was true. Never would it – she – no, it – try to lie, or cheat, or hurt me. It simply wouldn’t.</p>
<p>Another pang of guilt. I wasn’t sure what to do anymore. It didn’t feel right to want it gone, knowing that such was condemning it to death, but still I worried about the consequences of letting it stay. A thing in my head, eating my thoughts and dreams – even through the dull haze of half-sleep I knew that was not something that ended well.</p>
<p>It was almost hard to recognize the panicked mess of a thing that sat on my couch as the same creature that had haunted me before. Gone was its air of enigma, its aloof presence dispelled by its sudden panic. I had to say, its opening up in such a manner was probably the last thing I had expected. It had told me again and again that it meant me no harm, but I hadn’t really believed it until I’d seen how vulnerable it really was.</p>
<p>I found it hard to blame myself for that, though. The thing had spoken very little at all, and it never made what it said easy to decipher.</p>
<p>I sighed as I looked at it, in its pitiable state. It could have been possible that I’d overreacted to what it had said, but again, I could hardly be blamed for that. Who would honestly like the idea of something that had to feed off of them to live, even if it was only their dreams? Still, I needed to know more, and the creature seemed as pliable as it ever would be.</p>
<p>I pulled myself out of my thoughts and turned to the creature. It looked tense, coiled up as though ready to flee at a moment’s notice. In the dim light of the room, I could get a better look at it.</p>
<p>As before, the first thing that struck me about its appearance were the contradictions in its form. Its spines and spikes, jutting out of its back and arms and head, defied expectations and melted away where they touched the couch instead of shredding it to pieces. Its face, its chest, the blurred lines of its hips that seemed to swirl sinuously in the shadows, they all seemed impossibly more firm and real for the lack of definition.</p>
<p>Even now when it seemed as genuine as it could, it was like it was trying to deceive my eyes. It was as though that was a part of its very nature, something it was simply unable to help.</p>
<p>Warily it watched me, clearly waiting for whatever judgment I had to render. My conscience was telling me what answer I had to give, but actually bringing myself to say it was another matter.</p>
<p>“… Alright, you can stay,” I finally managed. I still had to try not to feel like I was signing my soul over.</p>
<p>It almost seemed to fall apart from sheer relief, suddenly devoid of tension as it sank into the couch. “Thank you,” It breathed gently.</p>
<p>“But, I still need more answers,” I insisted. “I need to know you’re not going to hurt me or kill me or anything, even on accident.”</p>
<p>“I would never. I could never.”</p>
<p>The shadows seemed to slowly lengthen again. The creature’s breathing seemed to relax. I willed myself to try and calm down as well. It was harmless, it wasn’t threatening me, it promised answers, I just had to calm down and get them.</p>
<p>“So, then, are you… real? You’re not just something I imagined? This place, too… Is this all real, or is this just a dream?”</p>
<p>She looked at me intently, her blazing eyes narrowed slightly as she studied me. I couldn’t tell exactly what she was looking for, but I kept her gaze. I didn’t feel as intimidated as I know she should have made me.</p>
<p>Finally, she spoke. “… From the things I know, I believe that it is both.”</p>
<p>I shook my head in disbelief. “That doesn’t make sense. How is that even possible?”</p>
<p>“I see plainly the power this dream has over your life. A dream is not always unreal. A man can die from something his mind conjures up.” The creature looked at me hesitantly. “How would you call something real? If it hurts you, is it real? If it… kills you? Is it?”</p>
<p>“I thought you didn’t want to kill me.” I pointed out.</p>
<p>“I do not!” She clarified immediately. “I only wanted to ask. How do you call real? What must a thing be, for it to be real?”</p>
<p>I had to think much harder than I would have liked to answer that simple question. Just as when I’d first woken, I had the nagging feeling of an answer that should be very easy to find, but still eluded my grasp every time I tried to focus on it.</p>
<p>“… Persistent.” I finally settled on. “If you disappear when I wake, then you can’t be real.”</p>
<p>“Then, I am very real. I have visited with you again and again, so I am real,” She smiled. My heart thrilled simply to see it, almost in spite of myself. I’d been terrified of her just minutes before. Disgusted by her. Part of me still was, honestly. “Your dreaming did not birth me. Your waking will not kill me. This dream does not die when you stop dreaming it. Perhaps… is that enough for you to want to call it real?”</p>
<p>“But then… No. How is this not a dream? How can you… How can something like you be real?”</p>
<p>She gave an almost amused snort. “How can I be real? In the same way you can be real. I have told you many times – I am alive, just like you are. This dream is reality, as much as what you call real is a dream. You have not gone anywhere or changed anything. Your dreaming did not make me real.”</p>
<p>“Well – I – I just –” I struggled in defiance of its logic, logic I was sure was faulty but couldn’t fight against. I knew there was more I could think of, but I had to struggle to reach it. It took longer than I would have liked for it to click. “Other people need to be able to see you as well. Real things, other people can see and touch them and all that stuff.</p>
<p>Her cocksure grin fell. “Ah… If that is true, then I suppose after all, I am not real… Yet.”</p>
<p>Okay. That was creepy. “What’s that mean?”</p>
<p>“I want to be real. I want to be known by others,” She murmured. “I want to leave my mark on this world, before I must leave it. What creature doesn’t? What person doesn’t?”</p>
<p>“Most people… try not to think about it, I guess?” I shrugged. I wasn’t getting where it was going.</p>
<p>“That is fear…” She fixed me with a strange look. Almost oddly concerned. “That is fleeing, not struggling. Dying, not living…”</p>
<p>“Well…” I had to work to wrap my head around what she was trying to say. “Maybe I just can’t struggle like you. Maybe fear is all people like me got.”</p>
<p>She reached out and clasped my hand again. This time, I didn’t pull away. Her touch reverberated through my whole arm from the moment her being touched my skin. It was pleasant in a way I couldn’t quite explain, but I knew there was some part of me that should be wondering why I couldn’t even tell what her skin felt like – or if she even had skin at all. All I knew was that it made my own skin break out in goosebumps, despite the warmth suddenly suffusing me.</p>
<p>“Fear isn’t needed anymore,” She said quietly. Her voice came like benediction, reverberating in my head, benevolent intent insisting on its own truth. “I can help you, now.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” I answered slowly. “There’s still so much I don’t know. This whole place is scary. And you… I know you don’t mean to, but you’ve been making life… kinda hard for me.”</p>
<p>“I never intended to hurt you…” She spoke lowly, guiltily. “I knew nothing of you… I did not know how to keep you safe…”</p>
<p>“I don’t mean it like that,” I shook my head. “I just mean… I don’t even know anymore if I’m awake or not. I… I think I’ve been falling asleep at work. Sleepwalking, or something. Is this real, or is this even this all just a dream? I’m afraid I might get fired. I might crash my car. I might trip and break my neck. I might… fall asleep and never wake up. Could any of that happen?”</p>
<p>One of her talons came up off my hand to grasp my shoulder. Another human gesture. Oddly her grip was so steady, so confident, I almost felt reassured. “You think of these as fears, but the fear of pain and the worry of death are struggles of life. They are things I know as well. There will always be more to fear later, but trust me now; Here, with me, you are safe.”</p>
<p>Safe. That stirred me to look up at her. Up as close as I was, the brilliant gold of her eyes were almost blinding in the dark. As I caught her gaze the warmth I felt washing over me redoubled into a crashing wave, reassuring and distracting me in equal parts.</p>
<p>She leaned in closer. Her voice rumbled lowly. “I will keep you, as you keep me. I will hold you, as you hold me. Safe, together. Never worry. Never fear. Never hurt.”</p>
<p>Safe. Warm. Fearless. Painless.</p>
<p>The rational part of my mind, still dulled and dreamlike, spoke up one last time to remind me that she was a monster, but I had no use of it anymore. I shoved it aside, and I let myself believe the truth she told me.</p>
<p>Monster she may have been, but who cares? She was earnest. She didn’t want to hurt me. I didn’t need to fear her.</p>
<p>The moment I finally allowed myself to accept it, I felt the foundation of fear I’d built myself on fall away from underneath me. Something about the way I thought of her changed. Something I couldn’t place fell absent, and with the loss of it, a tension that I hadn’t even realized I’d been feeling melted away as I finally allowed myself to surrender to her care.</p>
<p>The creature leaned over to catch me on her shoulder. One of her sharp, solid spikes simply ceased to be as my head collided with it, allowing my head to find rest on her. Again she offered me sanctuary when my eyes insisted that she would give me only agony.</p>
<p>“Leave your pain behind. Leave your fear,” She whispered, gently placing her head atop mine. So close to my ear, her words sent soft tremors through my very brain. “Think of me, as I think of you…”</p>
<p>Finally, I let myself relax, and all of a sudden I found myself crying, a well of tears I hadn’t realized was waiting to boil over finally coming to the surface. I must have been holding myself back, but I hadn’t realized it. Subconsciously I must have known that once I’d started crying, I wouldn’t be able to stop – and just as I’d predicted, I lost myself to raw emotion. The simple proximity wrung an overwhelming torrent tears out of me, a burden I hadn’t known I’d been carrying lifted off my shoulders at last.</p>
<p>The monster embraced me, drawing me into her soft veil of shadows as her sharp arms wrapped around my back. Tender warmth enshrouded me as she continued to croon gentle nothings in my ear, blotting out the world outside, leaving nothing but her and I.</p>
<p>Lost in the simple comfort of her holding me, I completely lost track of time passing. Shamelessly I sobbed into her chest, vulnerable in her arms, but protected. I couldn’t stop myself. It took forever until I ran out of tears to cry.</p>
<p>As I sat there, leaning into her, recovering from the raw shock of emotion I hadn’t been ready for, I felt the kind of emptiness one feels after running on stress and finding yourself suddenly devoid of it. I was completely deflated, near to boneless. I was helpless in the creature’s grasp, but she only stroked one arm down my back in a motherly manner.</p>
<p>“… Why are you doing this? Why all this?” I asked her through a hiccup. “Why me?”</p>
<p>“Because I chose you. Because you are precious.” She answered without hesitation, her voice echoing all around me.</p>
<p>Such conviction. Enough that I could easily believe it.</p>
<p>I shut my eyes and rested in her embrace.</p>
<hr/>
<hr/>
<p>“Go on. You have your waking life to lead.”</p>
<p>“Will you be alright here?”</p>
<p>“I will be with you.”</p>
<p>The following morning, everything was as it should be when I awoke in my bed. I felt better rested than I could remember being in a long time. It had been a good dream, this time. I organized myself for work with an energy I didn’t even know I still had in me.</p>
<p>I couldn’t keep my mind from wandering back to those parting words as I whiled the morning away. Somehow I couldn’t properly recall when we’d spoken them, but I was sure we had. They were still clear in my head even now, hours after I’d shut the door and drove off to work. I remembered having to shield my eyes from the sudden sunlight as I stepped out of my house. Despite what she’d said, as I’d made my way out into the light, it had certainly felt like I’d left her behind.</p>
<p>I couldn’t deny she had been… nice. A strange thing to say about a creature like that, but there it was. Despite her menacing, fearsome appearance, her true nature seemed to be one of warmth and kindness.</p>
<p>Nonetheless, I still had misgivings about the idea of possibly ‘sharing my life with her’, as she’d called it. What that entailed exactly, I wasn’t sure, and considering the… information I’d managed to wring out of her last night – or at least I thought it was last night – that left me with a lot to be nervous about.</p>
<p>It wasn’t that I doubted what she’d told me. Far from it, in fact, I was certain she’d spoken the truth. The issue was that the truth wasn’t always a pleasant thing. She’d promised the best, and I believed she meant it, but still she was a creature unlike any I’d ever heard of on Earth. A dream eater, as impossible as it sounded. What was a life like, with her in it? Better? Worse?</p>
<p>I couldn’t deny that I wanted to see her again, but as nice as she was, it would probably be best for safety’s sake if I kept her at arms’ length, at least for a little while. I still didn’t fully understand her.</p>
<p>I appreciated that she seemed to have decided to give me some time to myself after our talk. I was starting to grow used to her company, but my productivity was probably going to plummet if she kept turning up as often as she had. I’d wondered as I drove to work if she wouldn’t simply show up again while I was there, and drag me away once more into that strange world of ruin and decay at her leisure.</p>
<p>It was to my mixed relief and disappointment she had been absent throughout the morning. As I’d pulled up in the parking lot, I’d half expected for her to already be there when I stepped out of my car, but she hadn’t. All the way up to my office, I’d wondered if she wouldn’t already be inside awaiting my arrival. I’d unlocked the door with some trepidation, but everything had been intact and well-lit, exactly as I’d left it.</p>
<p>And so I’d set myself to my paperwork. Back to reality. The daily grind. Organizing, co-ordinating. It wasn’t a terribly difficult job, and it certainly paid well enough, but calling it anything more than ‘mind-numbing’ would be undue flattery.</p>
<p>Despite my good night’s sleep it was still all too easy to get lost in the work, and I found my pace slowly slackening as I started to doze off. I knew it was going to take me longer to get through my work if I started to let myself daydream, but I just couldn’t keep my attention on it. Each sheet of paper seemed harder to focus on than the one before it, and only grew more dull and blurry the more I tried.</p>
<p>I could feel my eyelids starting to grow heavier and heavier. I wasn’t sure if I should fight the onset of sleep, or just lay my head down on my desk and embrace it. Sleep was more tempting than it should have been. If she was still with me like she’d said, then maybe in my dream I might be able to see her. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. It hadn’t last time, after all.</p>
<p>On some level I was dimly aware of my breathing slowing and deepening, my posture relaxing, my head drooping low. Slumber was about to overcome me when I heard it.</p>
<p>“Are you well?” Her voice rang out behind me, cutting clear through the haze. In an instant I was shocked wide awake.</p>
<p>The room was pitch black. I couldn’t even see far enough through the gloom to tell if she’d somehow managed to shut the window during my lapse in attention, or if her very presence simply refused the sun any entry. It honestly wasn’t something that would be too farfetched for her.</p>
<p>I whirled around in my chair to face the door – or where it would have been, if I could see it. There she stood, solid in the shadows as she always was, her glowing eyes like bright stars. Her posture spoke to her having been waiting there for some time, straight-backed and expectant with her hands clasped at her waist. A small smile lit her face, casting my worries to the back of my mind the instant I saw it.</p>
<p>I hadn’t thought I would be this happy simply to see her again.</p>
<p>“You’re here,” I said breathlessly, still recovering from the start.</p>
<p>“I told you I would be with you,” She said assuringly.</p>
<p>I shrugged, wondering idly if she could even see the motion in the heavy darkness. “I didn’t know what you meant. I didn’t think you could… follow me like that, or whatever you’re doing.”</p>
<p>“I was… uncertain if I should visit with you,” She responded slowly. “I did not want to distract you from your waking life. I know well now that this place is not for dreaming.”</p>
<p>“I don’t mind,” I answered. I paused for a moment to inspect my words, and realized I really didn’t mind. Her presence was more reassuring than I thought, a far cry from the fear I’d felt of her at first.</p>
<p>“… You told me when last we spoke that you feared my… making your life hard. You feared being hurt by my distraction,” She answered slowly. With one talon she pointed past me, towards my desk. “Is that not something you must give your focus to?”</p>
<p>I grimaced at the unwanted reminder. Work. She was right. I had let myself get sidetracked. But surely I could be excused. It was hard to return to mundanity after spending time with her.</p>
<p>“I suppose so…” I admitted reluctantly. “I just wanted to see you again. I don’t even know why, really, but…”</p>
<p>“I am glad… But you should focus. You yet have your waking life to lead,” She repeated, in a tone of gentle insistence. She stepped gently over towards me, the very air around her seeming to billow as she displaced it. For a moment my mind raced, wondering what intentions she could possibly have – before she simply grabbed my chair and swung me back around to face my desk again. “I want not to interfere. I will be patient, and wait.”</p>
<p>“Wait till when?” I asked. Even to my own mind I sounded too much like a pining, petulant child, but I couldn’t help myself.</p>
<p>“When there is nothing more you must give mind to. I will not be a distraction to you. Not if it might hurt you,” She said, her voice low but firm. “When you return to your home, I will visit with you. We can speak again, if you want. There are a great many things I yet want to share with you.”</p>
<p>It struck me hard then – the realization that between the two of us, she was the one showing the more restraint. The thought brought on a pang of – almost shame. She was right. Somehow I’d so easily forgotten my own reservations, but when she could have taken advantage of my inattention, she instead took the time to remind me of them.</p>
<p>For all the ways she could have hurt me – I wasn’t even sure how many there were, but I was sure they were many – she completely refused to, even in tiny, ultimately insignificant ways like pulling me away from my work.</p>
<p>It worried me slightly that she somehow made it so easy for me to forget my misgivings, but… maybe it wasn’t exactly right for me to keep a hold of them. In spite of my wariness of the danger she posed, she had more concern for me than I had for myself. Maybe she deserved a real shot.</p>
<p>I resolved that when I saw her after work, I would put my fear aside entirely and hear what she had to say. Not as a monster, but as a real, living person.</p>
<p>She’d been so nice. She deserved that much at least.</p>
<p>I spent so long wrapped in my own thoughts that I completely failed to notice her leaving. When I finally snapped back to reality, the darkness had lifted completely and the midday sun was once again shining through the window.</p>
<p>She was gone.</p>
<p>I wished for a moment that she had at least said goodbye, then I unenthusiastically returned to my paperwork.</p>
<p>It was alright. I would see her later on. That could be something to look forward to, but I had my own matters to attend to until then.</p>
<p>A little while later I took my lunch break. I decided I would return to the same coffee shop I’d been to… whenever it was, exactly. I couldn’t deny that I was curious to find out if I’d actually been there, or if I’d simply dreamed that whole strange encounter up.</p>
<p>The bell jingled cheerily as I pushed the door open. A far cry from the ruined wreck it had been the last time I left it, the shop once again had its pleasant, optimistic vibe about it. The familiar scent of coffee and pastries and the chattering of the other patrons put a smile on my face as I made my way over to the counter.</p>
<p>The attendant finished replacing a rack in the pastry display and turned her attention  to me with a pleasant smile. My brows furrowed – it was the same woman from before.</p>
<p>“Good afternoon. Wow, you’re looking a lot better than you did yesterday.”</p>
<p>“You reckon so?” I answered neutrally. It was weird to see her acting as if nothing weird had happened.</p>
<p>“Well, yeah. I mean, you kinda looked like a dead man walking last time, but still,” She shrugged with a flippant laugh. “So, what are you after today? Flat white and jelly slice again?”</p>
<p>“That’ll be fine, thanks.” I took a seat at a table as I waited.</p>
<p>So, I definitely had come here that day. It hadn’t been a dream after all. Or at least not completely a dream. The woman’s tentacle arm was conspicuously absent, as was her foul mouth. That couldn’t have been anything else but a product of my imagination – or perhaps my spectre’s presence. Perhaps it was both.</p>
<p>It begged the question just how much of the encounter had been in my head, and how much had not. Did I actually fall asleep at the counter here? Did the creature really stand in that doorway? If I didn’t know better, I could have sworn the whole encounter had been as real as anything, but it couldn’t have. If even just half of what went down that day had actually happened, it probably would have been enough to make national headlines or something.</p>
<p>If it was partly real and partly a dream – assuming that was even a thing that was possible – where did that leave me? What was really happening when the things I’d seen had started to get weird? Was that when I’d fallen asleep? Or had I been asleep the whole time, and my dream merely reflected reality?</p>
<p>I couldn’t properly separate where the real world ended and where the dream began. I couldn’t well ask her, either, even an idiot could tell how that question would be answered. I’d be lucky if they didn’t ring the psyche ward then and there. Thinking about it was starting to give me a headache. It just didn’t make sense. Maybe I could ask my shadow when I got back home, but for now I decided simply to leave it. I’d just have to hope she would actually give me a straight answer.</p>
<p>After my lunch break, the rest of the day passed in a blur. Not a hazy, sleepy, half-awake blur like what I could remember of yesterday, but rather a boring, uneventful blur, wherein the most excitement I had was watching the sky outside slowly start to turn overcast, the clouds fattening and threatening rain. I refused to let myself fall asleep again that afternoon.</p>
<p>Thankfully, the rain didn’t start in earnest until after I had gotten into my car, and I avoided getting anymore than a few droplets on me. Between the pitter-patter of the falling raindrops on the roof as I made my way home, my thoughts turned to the creature waiting for me. I felt a sense of anticipation about the meeting she’d promised. I could only wonder exactly what she wanted to speak of – what she wanted to share with me, as she’d put it. For my own part I still had many questions that needed answering.</p>
<p>As I pulled up in my driveway, my heart was pounding, a noticeable pressure in my chest. I wasn’t afraid – or at least, I didn’t think I was. I’d like to think that the way she had shown more concern for me than I did myself had all but erased that sentiment, but I couldn’t deny an intense… something.</p>
<p>Something else I couldn’t place. Excitement, maybe? Possibly? Tension, definitely.</p>
<p>The outside of my house looked completely normal through the rain-slicked window, just as it had when I’d left in the morning, but there was some feeling about it – some portent beyond sight that spoke of something else. Just looking at it, I had the feeling of a deal of some sort, waiting to be struck. A promise, waiting to be kept. A circle, waiting to be closed.</p>
<p>Nervousness. I didn’t think anything serious would go down. It hadn’t last time. Nothing had happened in this place of mine, yet. Nothing real.</p>
<p>But it could.</p>
<p>If I let it, it could.</p>
<p>I locked my car up quickly and hurried through the rain, but once I reached the front door had to fight down a rising hesitation. With fumbling fingers I found my keys and unlocked the door, letting it swing open with a slight push.</p>
<p>The hall inside was shadowed, far darker than it had any right to be. The already dim rays of light from outside didn’t make much headway in, leaving the rest of the interior shrouded in gloom.</p>
<p>She was here. Just as she’d said.</p>
<p>I drew in a breath as I stepped inside and quietly shut my front door behind me. With one hand tracing along the wall to keep me guided in the umbra, I made my way through the hallway to where the living room was.</p>
<p>All that met my eyes inside was absolute darkness. Beyond the threshold, neither the floor nor the walls of the room were even faintly visible. All that remained was an infinite void of pure black that I knew my sight could never adjust to. The immensity of it strained my eyes. Even just looking at it from outside it gave me an unwelcome feeling of vertigo, like I could just tip over into it and fall forever.</p>
<p>She was within, sitting meekly on the couch I couldn’t see, hands clasped together. Impossibly, the shadows seemed even deeper around her, defining her even more sharply by their sheer density. My breath caught in my throat as she looked up and her yellow eyes met mine. A small smile spread across her shadowy face, a heartwarming expression on a fearsome thing.</p>
<p>Her mouth barely moved, but her words echoed clearly. “You’re here. I missed you.”</p>
<p>“I –” For a moment I choked on what I was about to say. It seemed almost improper that it was the first thing I’d think to say to her – but I couldn’t deny it was true. “… I missed you, too.”</p>
<p>As if her voice had beckoned me, I found myself taking an exploratory step into the infinite darkness. My leg simply seemed to disappear into the lightlessness, and for a moment I panicked that my foot would go right through the floor that was out of my sight. But it didn’t – the floorboards were as solid as ever, and so I took another step, engulfing myself in the shadow completely.</p>
<p>I didn’t feel any different, at least. The gloom was so absolute that no part of myself remained visible to my eye, but nothing was changed. A strange sensation, but not unpleasant.</p>
<p>Ahead of me, the creature’s shroud shifted as she patted the couch seat next to her. I heard the soft clap of her hand hitting the cushion, though I couldn’t see it in the darkness.</p>
<p>“Come and sit. Speak with me again.”</p>
<p>Carefully I made my way over to her, putting one foot in front of the other in an effort not to trip over myself. She was as a beacon in the black, anchoring my direction, guiding me to her by the nature of her being.</p>
<p>In approaching her, I felt none of the difficulty that I had last time. Before, it had felt like I was risking death to come near her. This time, I felt warmly welcomed. The palpable power that seemed to leach out into the air around her didn’t warn me away; rather, it beckoned me to come closer. The consequences of her existence that I’d feared before were nothing now.</p>
<p>I felt a growing sense of relaxation as I neared her. The tension I’d entered my house with dissipated off my shoulders, as though it had never been. Just looking at her, the outside world seemed far off, unable to betide me. Nothing bad would happen in her presence.</p>
<p>I sat down right next to her, comfortable with the tiny distance between us. I was almost surprised that the couch was still there and still as soft as usual. Of course it made sense that it would be, but I had never seen this room completely dark like this. Even in the middle of the night, there had always been a small light or two to give it some definition.</p>
<p>Now there was no light but the creature’s golden eyes, which defied expectations by not illuminating anything whatsoever. They were like far-off stars in the midnight sky – bright and brilliant in the darkness that surrounded them.</p>
<p>“What did you want to talk about earlier?” I asked.</p>
<p>“The future,” She looked at me seriously. Her quiet voice washed over me with gravity’s force. “And what it might hold for us.”</p>
<p>I furrowed my brows. “… What’s that, exactly?”</p>
<p>“I cannot say with authority, but I hope… I want for many things,” She murmured. “You are precious to me. You are my life. I want to stay with you.”</p>
<p>“Of course.” I didn’t have to think to give my answer.</p>
<p>She smiled nervously for a moment, before her eyes fell again. “And I want… more. I want for our lives to be entwined. I want my future… to be yours. And yours… mine…”</p>
<p>Now she had my curiosity. “You’ve said that before. What does that entail, exactly?”</p>
<p>“Everything,” She breathed, looking down at her talons. “I want us to be… partners. In everything. I want to give of myself, to make you happy. I want to take from you, to make me happy,”</p>
<p>“What are you –”</p>
<p>She spoke over me, still looking away. “I want to share my life, my body, my soul with you. And I want you to share yours with me. I want the future to be something that our lives share.”</p>
<p>It took me a moment to process her words. Was that what she had been alluding to this whole time? Was this what she had really meant, when she’d called me ‘precious’? When she’d said that she had chosen me? She had chosen me as… what? Her soulmate or something?</p>
<p>Again, I could feel the earnestness of what she said, and I knew it as the singular truth when the words left her mouth – yet they only added to the sheer absurdity, the impossibility of what she was.</p>
<p>How could she even know that I was fit for that? Prior to the last few days, I had never seen her in my life. Had she been watching me before then? What was she? Some kind of dream stalking, mind eating… thing? Just looking for love? How could she know that any human was a fit for her like that? She was patently not one. She was so… aberrant, so impossible to understand. And she thought I was a match for her?</p>
<p>“You mean… like… romantically?” I couldn’t help the tone of suspicion in my voice. I almost didn’t want to believe it.</p>
<p>She seemed to draw in a steeling breath before she answered. “Yes. I want – I hope… for us to be together. Partners.”</p>
<p>“You… Don’t you think this is a bit of a sudden thing to ask?”</p>
<p>“Life is sudden, and so is death,” She answered instantly. “This is a matter of life. I want to be happy, and safe, and strong. And I want the same for you. We can… help each other in these. Do you want that?”</p>
<p>“I – Maybe, I just –” I floundered. I had no idea what to say. “I didn’t realize you felt like that. I didn’t know… this was what you meant…”</p>
<p>She looked up at me with a pained expression, her golden eyes looking strangely dull. I could swear she seemed smaller somehow than just a moment ago, diminished in some way.</p>
<p>“You do not want me…” A note of bitter disappointment hit me. Why did it rend my heart like that, to hear her sadness? Why did I feel such overwhelming guilt?</p>
<p>“No no, wait. Let’s not be that drastic. I just… don’t even really know you.” I tried to assuage her.</p>
<p>“You know me,” She said quietly. “I have told you plainly, all that I know of me. You know me.”</p>
<p>“But I still feel like I hardly know you. Like we hardly know each other. I hardly know anything about you, and you… Why… Why me?”</p>
<p>“You are precious to me. You give me so much – home, safety, life. Nobody else could – or would – give me these,” She said firmly, still trying to avoid my eyes. “You will always be precious, that will never change. I hope for… I want… a future as partners. In all things. I want to give you as much again, as you give me. I know some things of you, but I hope to know more. I hope to give you more of me to know in turn.”</p>
<p>I supposed that, if nothing else, I could stand to know her better. That, at least, I wouldn’t mind. She was something – someone interesting. A truly unique creature and a unique… person, if that was a word that could apply to her.</p>
<p>“I can give you… many things. My voice when you feel alone. Insight when you need help. My shoulder, when you need strength…” She wrung her hands, still visibly wracked with nerves so badly that I could almost swear I felt them myself. She was baring her soul to me. “I can give you… happiness, when the world hurts you. I… I can give… You can give… We, I – We can share… a future… a family…”</p>
<p>“A family…?” My throat went dry. My brain locked up as it briefly tried and failed to register her words.</p>
<p>A family… with her? She was pretty in her own arcane, impossible way, I wouldn’t deny her that, but I wasn’t certain I could appreciate her in… that regard. And how could that even be possible? She was a monster, despite everything. Did she think that she and I could have kids?</p>
<p>… Was she right?</p>
<p>It put everything she said in a whole new light. The future she’d spoke of, sharing our lives… She was far more serious about it than I’d ever even considered. The sheer magnitude of what she was suggesting – and the strangeness – would have no doubt had me floored if I wasn’t already sitting down. Did she really want to dive right into such a level of commitment – with me?</p>
<p>And how was I supposed to feel about that, exactly? How would that impact my life? How did I answer anyone at work when the office chatter turned to domestic life? ‘Hey man, what about you, you seeing anyone?’ ‘Oh yeah, I met this freaky shadow monster in a dream the other week, I feel like we’re hitting it off pretty well, we’ve got a baby on the way already you know.’</p>
<p>Inwardly I scoffed at the sheer madness of it. This was not normal.</p>
<p>But then, my thoughts took a darker, somehow saner turn. It wasn’t normal – but did it have to be? Normal was something she would never – could never – be. But she wasn’t a bad… person, in any sense of the word. Was she someone that I wouldn’t be happy to live with? If she was, I could turn her down. But if she wasn’t… Would it be outrageous of me to give it a try? To give her a try? If it was all in a dream – or a half a dream, however she’d called it – then nobody would ever know either way, would they?</p>
<p>And if nobody else would ever know... Would it really be so crazy if I didn’t say no?</p>
<p>It was hard to know her as a person, and not a monster. She had no real history to speak of. When I asked about her strange nature, she could only give stranger answers. The idea of going out on a limb, of trying such a commitment – such a risk – had me hesitant. How would seeing her impact my life? What would she expect out of me?</p>
<p>Where would we go together, how could I take her anywhere? Was that even anything she would want to do, go out and go places and do normal things? Was it even physically possible in the first place, if she resided in my head?</p>
<p>Her voice, quieter than ever, just barely reached my ears in my concentration. I snapped back to reality – such as it was – to see her looking across at me anxiously, a deep worry spanning the short gap between her and I.</p>
<p>“To share a future with you… a family… is my greatest dream,” She whispered. My spine tingled. “Is it a dream that you could appreciate…?”</p>
<p>“I - I just… I’ve never even really thought about anything like that,” I rubbed my temple with one hand. One thing I hadn’t appreciated was how quickly a conversation could turn so heavy. “You really want… with me?”</p>
<p>“I am certain.” She gave her affirmative emphatically, reaching out and grasping my hand in hers. Her mere touch made my shoulders tense as a thrill raced through my heart and another chill coursed up my spine. “Utterly certain. You are too precious for there to be any other I might consider. There are no others I could share myself with, as you.”</p>
<p>I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t be sure. I couldn’t know. If I said yes, I was taking what – for all I knew – could be the biggest risk of my life. I couldn’t imagine what might be possible down the line if I went with her now – particularly if our prospective relationship went sour. And If I said no… she would…</p>
<p>“… What would you do, if I said no?” I asked her warily.</p>
<p>Her grip on my hand tightened as she inhaled sharply, like she’d been punched in the gut. Slowly she released her breath and spoke a halting answer. “I… I would hope… to change your mind. But… I would… not force you. I would… submit… to your fears…”</p>
<p>That was the crux of it, wasn’t it? I was afraid. Only an idiot wouldn’t be, though, of that I was certain. This was serious. And she wasn’t a non-threatening creature, even when she tried to be. She had hurt me. She’d sworn not to but she still probably could again, if she really wanted to. In one respect it might almost be preferable if she had turned out to be a malevolent beast, if she’d planned to kill me. That at least I could have an answer for. Fight or flight.</p>
<p>But this… My heart was pumping faster than I’d realized, a panic response to a situation outside my control. She wanted trust beyond what I’d ever considered. She wanted an oath more serious than any I’d ever made. Even without any witnesses to hold me to it, there was an immense gravity to the decision.</p>
<p>Could I? Should I?</p>
<p>“Please… Release your fear. I promise that it will be alright. I promise that you’ve nothing to be scared of.”</p>
<p>“I…” I didn’t know if I could answer. I felt like my voice might fail me.</p>
<p>“I promise it on my precious life. I promise.” She tightened her grip desperately, a tremor running up my arm as her hand shook slightly. Her eyes burned bright. “A chance. Please. Let me show you that your trust is not misplaced.”</p>
<p>A chance… I could take that risk. I could give her that, surely…</p>
<p>“… Alright.”</p>
<p>The very moment the word left my lips, she was on me. I didn’t even have time to jump in surprise as she threw herself forward and wrapped her wicked arms around me in a tight hug.</p>
<p>This close to her, I felt almost overwhelmed. My heart suddenly raced fast enough that I thought it might outright burst, yet despite that I didn’t want to break the contact. Almost inadvertently, I reached up and put my hands around her in turn. Only briefly did I question how I didn’t suffer any lacerations from the many spikes on her back.</p>
<p>I shut my eyes and tried to shut my brain off, forcing myself to relax in her gentle hold. She’d promised. I’d give her a chance…</p>
<p>Her embrace was warm, and maybe more comforting than I’d like to admit to. With her cloak of shadows around us and her head nestled in the crook of my neck, I felt oddly… protected. Safe, in the darkness that was her domain. Safe in her arms. Something strange to say, let alone to think, but there it was.</p>
<p>“No more fear…” Her voice rumbled through my ear, an almost hypnotic tone. That was exactly what I wanted.</p>
<p>No more fear.</p>
<p>I wrapped my arms around her tighter, seeking to be closer to her. The deep, slow rhythm of her breathing – in and out – was a treasure I wanted to keep. By degrees, I was able to calm down. Slowly did the tension disappear, and my pulse begin to ease down.</p>
<p>I almost fell asleep then and there – or perhaps I actually did. With nothing to see but her, awake or asleep, the line was blurred.</p>
<p>When I opened my eyes, she was still there.</p>
<p>She drew back slightly, a warm expression on her monstrous face. “Think of me… As I think of you…”</p>
<p>Her eyes sparkled bright in the darkness. So inhuman, yet alight with honest, genuine compassion. All the more beautiful for the impossibility of it.</p>
<p>A being of darkness, that had come to me in nightmares, was more beautiful than any person I’d ever met. A pure kind of vile, I remember thinking of her, but in that moment I saw no vileness about her. Only an earnest purity I’d never before known.</p>
<p>I didn’t want to refuse her.</p>
<p>Ever so slowly, she brought her face towards mine, a slight tilt of her head making her intention clear.</p>
<p>I met her halfway, fighting my nervousness as I leaned into the kiss to match her.</p>
<p>As we met, something passed between us that made the physicality of it irrelevant. Her mouth was wide, her lips were thin, and the teeth behind them sharp. Yet it didn’t matter. The gentle, hesitant brush of the first contact set a spark between skin and shadow that both of us were eager to see ignited.</p>
<p>We fed the flame together, desperate for a closer connection. In spite of my misgivings I pressed myself against her, wanting more, wanting to give her more, the both of us seeking to possess each other more and more. Her passion poured out through the kiss, her ardent desire exhilarating and endearing me further.</p>
<p>I could finally believe wholeheartedly in her insistence that she was real, a living, breathing creature. I knew that now with utter certainty. The effect she had on me was undeniable – no dream, no stray thought could touch me as dramatically she did. There was no way my brain could have conjured something as perfect as her into being.</p>
<p>She was there with me. And she was… exciting. She was… perfect.</p>
<p>In the darkness I was already invisible, but I felt then like I’d lost sight of myself completely. She was the most important thing in the world at that moment, and all that mattered was seeing more of her. Her face, devoid of colour yet tinged with emotion. Her eyes, like gentle golden lamps.</p>
<p>I leaned into the kiss, closing my eyes and embracing the sensation. Her, with all her strangeness, with all her wonder, with all her terrifying, enticing promises. She consumed my focus utterly, commanding my attention with her affection.</p>
<p>Soon, though, my lungs insisted on reminding me of my need to breathe. I pulled away slightly and as slowly as we met, we separated again. As I struggled to regain control of my breathing, I saw her differently, though she looked the same. She was hunched over slightly, her quiet bearing now broken, her eyes raking me up and down attentively. Maybe I was only really seeing her for the first time. I saw her as… something to be desired.</p>
<p>My heartbeat was quickening again. Not from fear, this time – anticipation.</p>
<p>“More?” She whispered breathlessly, her chest rising and falling heavily. “Do you… want for more?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” I was sure I looked no better, but I was nowhere near ready to quit.</p>
<p>I took a deep breath before our lips locked again. She was even more forceful this time, outright pushing up against me with an almost vengeful energy. I was unprepared for the verve she mustered, and I found our kiss suddenly broken as I toppled down and away onto the couch – something that she’d completely intended for, I realized, as she clambered up over me before I could recover. She loomed over me, seeming almost titanic in the dark void around us, her legs locked around my hips. Her shroud fell down around her shoulders, blurring and obscuring her form yet further.</p>
<p>She leaned down slowly, deliberately, drawing her eyes closer to mine yet keeping our hips well separated. With one hand she exploratively brushed her claws along my chest, a light touch that sent an involuntary shudder through me. It was soft and gentle, but it spoke so plainly, unmistakably of what she wanted. The desirous expression on her face, the hot intent in her eyes only served to drive the message home harder, making me finally realize just how far she wanted this to go right now.</p>
<p>We were not the same, she had said as much and it was absolutely true. But at this point, she didn’t want to think on how we were different – and neither did I. She wished to call attention to the ways we were the same. We were both very much alive, after all. We both shared the same particular urges all living things did. We both bore particular inclinations for one another that I could no longer deny.</p>
<p>She promised a million things that had never before happened, off the back of one decision. There could be consequences of a different sort, if I agreed with her.</p>
<p>Something could happen. If I let it.</p>
<p>“I want yet more, if you want it as well…” She whispered, her voice fervent, fluctuating in its intensity. “I want all that you have. I want to give you all I have.”</p>
<p>Dimly I recognized that this was my last chance to keep any semblance of control over the situation. If I went along with her, there would be no more backing out. It would all be set in stone, if I gave the answer she – I – wanted. The circle would be closed.</p>
<p>The trepidation of finality put extra heat on my already overcooked nerves. Up above me, she seemed monolithic – but not fearsomely so. She seemed like a jutting rock in a black ocean, something that I could fixate on, something that could keep me from thinking on my own fear.</p>
<p>I stared up into her eyes, so desperately close to my face, and I allowed myself to forget. In absence of that hesitation, I wasn’t sure if it was the curious part of my mind or the amorous, excited part that gave the answer. I supposed it didn’t matter.</p>
<p>“I want that, too.”</p>
<p>The choice was made. Without another word she lowered her hips to meet mine, her gaze never wavering until finally we felt that moment of electrifying contact. Her shadowed flesh met my skin and her whole form seemed to lose shape for a moment, her outline shivering as she broke eye contact and glanced downward.</p>
<p>My mind seized up for a moment. I was naked. When had I lost my clothes? I couldn’t remember. In the darkness it had been something I’d failed to notice. It must have been something she’d done, somehow.</p>
<p>I was naked on my couch, and she was straddling my legs closely, just a few inches away from the closest contact we could manage. It was unreal.</p>
<p>The excitement of the realization was sudden, a thrilling, carnal surge that rushed through my body and made me twitch. She seemed to revel in the reaction she’d provoked, her smile turning into an outright grin.</p>
<p>This was going places fast.</p>
<p>She seemed to have no mind for foreplay, urgently reaching down with one hand and grasping me, guiding me between her legs before I was even fully erect. We’d gone from a simple talk to this desperate touch, skin on… shadow. My heart nearly leapt out of my chest from the simple, shocking stimulation.</p>
<p>“Do you think we might be rushing this a bit?” I barely mustered myself to ask.</p>
<p>“No. I want it now,” She whispered eagerly, her voice trembling. “I’ve dreamed of this.”</p>
<p>“Do you have dreams?” A detached, observing part of me actually wondered.</p>
<p>She gave a short, soft laugh. “Not like yours.”</p>
<p>I didn’t protest further as she lifted herself up slightly, positioning herself just above me. She flicked her gaze up for a moment, an audacious smile on her face as she sat right on the precipice of crossing yet another threshold.</p>
<p>“This is for us.”</p>
<p>She descended gently – just a nudge, at first. Then, she twitched, and her demeanour changed. An expression of feral want came over her face. In one abrupt motion she bottomed out atop me, and I was inside her.</p>
<p>The sudden rush of sensation made my breath catch in my throat for a second as she took me down to the base. The warmth surrounding did nothing to prepare me for her inner heat, impossibly intense, overwhelming for a moment.</p>
<p>What I recovered from shortly, however, seemed to have completely overtaken her. Her spine was arched back, her mouth open in a deep inhalation, her claws locked up grasping tightly at nothing. The very darkness around her somehow seemed to be billowing, like cloth caught in an intense wind. A soft pressure was building at the back of my mind.</p>
<p>I was just about to open my mouth and say something when she seemed to shake it off. With a frightening suddenness her whole body relaxed, the heaviness in my head dissipated, and the air seemed to find its proper place around us again. She looked down at me with an almost manic smile, her sharp teeth showing.</p>
<p>“But my dream is no longer a dream,” She hissed, her voice burning with fierce exultation. “Now, I live it. Now it is reality.”</p>
<p>She pulled herself back up with agonizing slowness, as though unwilling to release me in even the smallest capacity. Her slam home was heavy and harsh, more power than finesse, but all the more exciting for it. It was a pure and plain display of how intensely she wanted it.</p>
<p>It didn’t take her long to find her rhythm, setting an urgent, frantic pace that felt almost as if she was trying to push me down into the cushions. It was a small struggle to remember to breathe between the shock of each drive. She had no concern now for anything but the act. She wanted more.</p>
<p>And I wanted to give it to her.</p>
<p>In my position I couldn’t contribute much, but still her insane energy goaded me to try. I pushed my hips up to meet her, and was rewarded with what I can only describe as an excited snarl. I didn’t hear warning in the vicious noise – I heard encouragement, and so I kept going.</p>
<p>I was having a hard time focusing. There wasn’t anything to see in the darkness besides her seething, shifting radiance, but still I couldn’t keep my eyes from flicking this way and that. I felt as though I was already starting to lose my mind. I had no frame of reference for the sheer ferocity, the desperate mania that she was displaying, that I almost felt reflected in myself.</p>
<p>All else was forgotten. The rest of the world was a million miles away. Nothing mattered but her. Us. The feelings we shared, brought insistently to the forefront of our minds. She was perfect. I needed her. She needed me. Partners. Alive. Alive, now more than ever.</p>
<p>Madness.</p>
<p>I needed more.</p>
<p>“More!” Her voice echoed my thoughts. Demanding. Desperate. Bordering on outright feral. “Faster!”</p>
<p>She pitched forward, planting her claws on my chest to leverage yet harder motions. Her eyes shone with manic intensity, right above my face as she stared down into me, her jaw slackened, hanging wide open. I gazed up into the maw of madness, the jaws of death held right above me, feeling for all the world as though I was in the eye of a hurricane. She seemed to exert pure energy, swirling around us and nudging up against me. A simple lapse in attention and this crushing force, just barely held in check, might demolish everything around us – and I was right there at ground zero.</p>
<p>I heard roaring like the wind in my ears, blood pounding through my head harder and harder as my heart raced faster and faster. I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t deny that somehow it still felt good, somehow it still felt… fulfilling. I was overwhelmed completely, barely able to notice anything more complex than the primal motions we followed. Unable to help myself but for following them. It was like a blurring fog was pouring over my every faculty, and yet somehow every minute detail was etched into my memory with crystal clarity. Never in my life would I be able to forget this.</p>
<p>Again and again her hips rose and descended, never letting up, never losing her tempo. I tried to match her, but I couldn’t keep up. For all the searing electricity her touch sent through me, it still hurt, still stole my breath. She had a vim I couldn’t equal, an urgent hunger that somehow reached out and took me by storm as well. The thrill was still unmatchable, no matter the pain, no matter the fear. I wanted more. I wanted to tell her not to stop, but I didn’t need to. She wasn’t going to stop now.</p>
<p>“Faster!” Both of us. Both our voices. She was in my head. Or was I in hers?</p>
<p>Each time she came down, her eyes would rake me up and down covetously. She took her talons off my chest and for a second I felt a moment of relief, before she instead wrapped her arms around me in a vicious hug. Her insane strength now surrounded me completely. She was closer than ever before, her shimmering face just inches from mine. It hurt to look at her. Just like the first time I’d seen her. She was anathema to me, enough to melt my mind away.</p>
<p>But she was perfect.</p>
<p>I couldn’t take it. Everything burned. My chest was on fire. My blood surged through my veins, but my heart was going still. Each breath I took was shallower than the last. I wasn’t afraid of passing out – I’d rocketed way past that point. I was afraid that I was on the very edge of the abyss, that each gasp would be my last.</p>
<p>And yet in the midst of maddened, bright-eyed death, I was still in life. I’d never felt more alive. Never.</p>
<p>My soul was leaching out through my body, but what did that matter when it was hers to hold? I threw my arms around her in turn, ready to give myself to her utterly. The rising pressure was something I welcomed, something that brought us closer. I didn’t know what I was feeling. Was I even still on my couch, or were we both falling through the infinite void of her making? It didn’t matter, as long as I could keep a hold of her. She was mine, as much as I was hers. My shadow, my spectre racing with me to the inevitable climax.</p>
<p>Yet faster she came down, keeping me tight in her monstrous arms. Her motions were about nothing but attainment now. We were both so close, and she wanted to reach that peak – now. Above me her eyes were like suns, blinding in their intensity, but I didn’t look away. Chest to chest with my own shuddering, quaking destruction, I held my gaze and begged for more. In my head I screamed without words for release – and somehow, someway, I was sure she heard me.</p>
<p>“Give it to me.”</p>
<p>The command – the plea – pounded through my head. Unignorable.</p>
<p>“Make me a part of your life! Make me – alive!”</p>
<p>Her voice was all I needed to launch me over the edge, as though it was all I’d been waiting for. She held herself against me as tightly as she could, pressing me down into the couch, and I felt the rush finally hit me as though my very life was being sucked out of my body.</p>
<p>It wasn’t the kind of release I had expected. It was more. More madness, dredging up the very core of my being and surrendering it to her. It was all out of control.</p>
<p>My mind was faded, but my body responded. Reflex was all I had, as I struggled to simply keep myself from being overloaded by the almost genuinely mind-shattering orgasm. Every nerve in my body was alight with the peak I’d hit, thrumming with sensation I’d never felt. Each pulse of my heartbeat sent shockwaves through me.</p>
<p>Even the tiniest shudder against me was another shock of energy coursing through my body, a feedback loop sent back and forth that neither of us could bear. I was utterly lost, at a level of carnal frenzy that I’d never felt before, that maybe I should never feel again. On some level I knew that if I lost focus for even a moment, if I missed one of the tiny breaths my failing brain allowed me, I might simply die.</p>
<p>Drowning in maddened bliss, all senses lost to me but touch, I wasn’t aware of anything but struggling to keep control of myself, to keep from losing myself utterly to my body’s wishes. I wanted to give myself up. I wanted to be lost in the revelry for the rest of my life, forever at that passionate plateau where I gave myself up to her.</p>
<p>But it couldn’t last. Thankfully, it couldn’t last. I would have died. Slowly, gradually, by agonizing degrees, the all-encompassing pressure began to leave me. Slowly the furor faded, my heart rate started to slow, and I felt true relief. I’d survived being taken as hers, and I’d taken her as mine. She was mine. My spectre and I, bound by what we’d done.</p>
<p>What we’d shared.</p>
<p>In the wake of that overstimulation, I remember very clearly the first deep breath I took. It was the sweetest thing I had ever tasted. I was still alive.</p>
<p>The power was gone. The madness was over, and I was alive.</p>
<p>In the whirlwind’s passing, the warm haze of the afterglow followed. I can remember very little except for the simple feeling of her body atop mine as we remained together. She was lighter than I would have thought, after the strength she’d shown. She had gone utterly limp, just as I had, and we simply lay there together and slowly recovered our breaths. Her eyes had finally gone dark – perhaps shut for the first time I’d ever seen.</p>
<p>I shifted slightly, moving my arm to pull her in closer. She cuddled up tighter in response, murmuring something I didn’t hear as her warm, enveloping shadows covered me like a comforter. A sense of peace radiated from her now, a soothing aura that felt more in line with what I knew of her than the mad, blazing fire of before.</p>
<p>She was still there. Still gentle. Still beautiful.</p>
<p>I didn’t think much at that moment. I let myself relax completely, for the first time in a long time. There was no pressure now. It was as though all my worries had been cast off, thrown out into the darkness where they could trouble me no more. I had her, and all was well. That was all I needed.</p>
<p>The rest of the world was a million miles away. Nothing mattered but us, and the dream we’d shared.</p>
<p>She garnered my attention when she cracked one golden eye open. A gentle smile stretched across her face, the expression somehow seeming right at home on her. With one hand she reached over and lightly drew a claw over my chest, tracing idly without a pattern. I couldn’t help but smile back.</p>
<p>“Good?” She broke the silence with a gentle question.</p>
<p>I managed to muster up a whisper from my dry, cracked throat. “Too good. I think you just about killed me there.”</p>
<p>“I swore I would never,” She said, her voice faint but firm.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Well, still, maybe next time we could stand to just take it a bit slower.” I suggested.</p>
<p>“Hm. Why?” She asked softly.</p>
<p>“Well, it might not make me feel like I’m going to die,” I said dryly. “And it might feel better for you too, you know.”</p>
<p>She opened both her eyes to give me a nonplussed look, as though such a thought simply didn’t make sense to her. Nonetheless she gave a small nod of assent, and her expression slowly melted back into a content smile as she snuggled up to me again. “Hmn. You wouldn’t die. But… Slower, then, if it would please you.”</p>
<p>“It’ll be better for you too. Trust me.”</p>
<p>“I trust you.”</p>
<p>It only struck me after the fact that I’d spoken without thinking. Without even being aware of it, I’d been planning on there being a next time. It probably said something about my mental state that I was hoping for such a dangerous encounter again, but I couldn’t really have cared less.</p>
<p>“You trust me?” She spoke up again out of the blue.</p>
<p>I didn’t have to consider my answer. “Of course.”</p>
<p>“Good,” She said with a contented sigh as she closed her eyes again. “I am glad to have you. Lucky to have found you. This is a good life. One I am glad to share in.”</p>
<p>“I’m glad to have you, too. I really… didn’t expect this when I first met you, but I’m still glad I met you.” I answered sincerely.</p>
<p>Again she just slightly opened one eye to look upon me. Her gaze was genuinely affectionate, bearing an unconditional tenderness reserved for the most precious thing in her life. It was a smile only I would ever see. And yet, she also looked… imperious, like that of someone lording over a claimed treasure.</p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p>Three simple words. The first time I’d seen her, I could never have predicted that she might ever say them – or even know them – but now, in our shared recuperation after what we’d shared, seemed perfectly normal. Oddly domestic.</p>
<p>“I love you, too.” I answered her gently.</p>
<p>She put her head back down on my shoulder with a blissful smile, seeming completely at peace with the world. I lay my head back on the couch and let my eyes fall closed, allowing myself to enjoy a moment of relaxation. I could easily fall asleep here. It would be pleasant to have her still there when I woke up again.</p>
<p>Perhaps that could be the new normal. Of all the things she’d promised earlier, I could think of nothing more appealing at that moment than knowing that we could simply share this moment together, that she wanted to be together like this with me. Like… lovers.</p>
<p>I supposed it wouldn’t be strange to say that, now.</p>
<p>“I just thought of something. I should have asked… What’s your name?” I asked her dozily. “Do you have one?”</p>
<p>“No,” She whispered, her eyes still closed. “But I think perhaps I want one. I want… to be more alike with you.”</p>
<p>I tried for a moment to think of something that might fit her, but I could not deny that my exertions were finally caught up to me. Sleep was calling my name – another thing her and I could share.</p>
<p>I put everything aside for later, and let myself quietly drift off in her embrace. As I had last night.</p>
<p>As I would again tomorrow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For the next few months, I felt happier than I had been in a long time. I did better at work, knowing that I had someone waiting at home for me when I came back. A few people commented, I remember. Ribbed me about it. Said I must have gotten myself a girlfriend. I just laughed it off.</p>
<p>If only they knew.</p>
<p>I lived alone, but I never really felt like I did. My shadow was always at my side, and so I never found myself wanting for companionship. Not when I had my angel on my shoulder.</p>
<p>Our relationship was something I kept secret, for obvious reasons. Nobody could understand. Nobody would want to know, and I didn’t want to tell them. The flipside of this was that I had no proof that she really, truly existed as she insisted she did. For a while, niggling doubts remained at the back of my mind, insisting that she was a hallucination – a delusion of some sort. A coping mechanism, perhaps.</p>
<p>I never ended up expressing these worries to her, though. They ended up becoming superfluous about a month after I’d met her, when I started noticing things I couldn’t quite explain, even when she wasn’t visiting me. Sometimes I’d find the bed neatly made when I went to sleep – something I usually never bothered to do at all, let alone do properly. Other mornings I would wake up and find a small breakfast already laid out for me on the kitchen bench – cereal and milk, or simple buttered toast – or I would get up off the couch to do my laundry, only to find the washing machine already spinning. They were only simple things – never anything drastic or anything unwanted – but nonetheless, I had no explanation for them.</p>
<p>Mundane things, but things I didn’t remember doing. Things she must have done.</p>
<p>When I asked her about it, she only gave me one of her small smiles and waved me off. “Think nothing of it,” she said.</p>
<p>So, I didn’t. I gave her a hug and a little kiss, and said thank you instead.</p>
<p>For the most part, we passed our time together in domestic banality. We never really went and did anything exciting. I couldn’t properly explain it, but it just always made me happy anyway. Even boring sitcoms were fine enough, if I was spending time with her.</p>
<p>She never really had a lot to say about anything we did – truthfully, she never seemed to get too invested in anything beyond me. I guess it didn’t really matter, as far as she was concerned. She always seemed content, as long as we were together. As long as we could share our time together, that was all she ever said she wanted.</p>
<p>She was a light in my life, my shadow was. She was happy, and so was I. It was a good life we shared. A simple one, but a good one.</p>
<p>I was struggling to think of a name for her, though. She wanted to have one, and I wanted to give her one, but nothing I could think of fit. She insisted that it was something that would come with time, but nonetheless I felt like I was letting her down.</p>
<p>It was only a minor worry, though, in the grand scheme. We had bigger things to think about.</p>
<p>I remember one day in particular, where she practically leapt on me the moment I opened my door. She pulled me into a hug and span around with me down the hallway, her shroud fanning out behind her with the motion. She didn’t even give me a moment to breathe – just held me tightly and yelled for joy at the top of her voice, until finally she managed to get herself in order enough to speak a few proper words.</p>
<p>“Something exciting! Something I have to tell you!”</p>
<p>“What? What’s going on?” I asked, nonplussed.</p>
<p>She answered by grabbing my wrist in her hand and guiding it to her belly. It felt… rounder than I would have thought. Firmer.</p>
<p>“You’re… pregnant?” So she hadn’t been making things up. Somehow, it really was possible.</p>
<p>“A family!” She exclaimed, wrapping me up in another energetic hug. “A real future. My mark on this world. My greatest dream!”</p>
<p>My first thought was one of apprehension. It was exciting news, of course – it wasn’t that I was sad, or angry, or anything like that. But I was worried. A kid was a lot of responsibility at the best of times. “I don’t know if I’m exactly ready for that…”</p>
<p>“Why would you think you are not?” She drew her head back and looked at me curiously.</p>
<p>“It’s just… that’s a big commitment.”</p>
<p>“It is life. It is not without struggle, but it is life,” She reassured me, squeezing my hand. “Don’t be afraid. Don’t fear life. I promise… it will not be so bad as your fears.”</p>
<p>I looked into her eyes, gazing into mine so earnestly. And I let myself believe her words. It wasn’t so hard, after I’d done it once.</p>
<p>Life. Death. Rot. Hope. The strange circle I was now a part of.</p>
<p>I came to accept the place I visited in dreams. I afforded it a place in my life – a growing place – and kept it as my secret. I looked forward to the future we would have together, and counted myself lucky to have her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The following notes may or may not change your perception of the creature and spoil the mystery of it. </p>
<p>I originally put this all in a separate paste, so that anyone who didn't want to read it didn't have to  - but we know what happened to that. In any case - consider not reading if you prefer to keep your own interpretation of the monster.</p>
<p>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9wRGrArmjk<br/>The Darkener as a creature was partly inspired by the Strange Voice – Tangmazu, the God of Madness – from Path of Exile. This music helped me form the basis of what I was going for, I listened to it on loop for hours while I was writing. It evokes for me a desolate, foggy landscape with one man kneeling alone and clutching his head, disconnected from reality as he struggles to regain control of his brain. His shadowy tormentor stands with arms folded some feet away, and coldly watches his thoughts fall further into insanity.<br/>I went into the story wanting to write a happy ending though, so I wanted to soften the tormentor up a bit. I made the pain and madness a byproduct of her being – something she struggles against instead of something she embraces. I don’t believe it makes her inherently more interesting that way, but it was easier to write and I liked it more than the idea of writing deliberate torture.<br/>… I have to admit though I did have a spooky bad ending lined up, but I probably shouldn't have made it lewd if I wanted to put a scary ending in. It just felt like too much mood whiplash in the end.</p>
<p>These are the notes I kept to try and keep her characterization in line.</p>
<p>-She is a mind parasite/symbiote. She eats thoughts and dreams to sustain herself, and uses her host’s psyche as a den where she will live and eventually reproduce. She seeks to bargain their mutual pleasure through both emotional companionship and physical sex as an exchange<br/>-Her presence weakens the divide between dreams and reality, and hinders her host’s ability to tell the difference, leading to him being unsure if he’s awake or asleep. In this state of half-dreaming, his thoughts are clouded and hard to focus on, while his emotions are slightly amplified.<br/>-The sheer alien impossibility of her being hurts her host to interact with, but over time she learns to present herself and convey herself in a way he can safely understand<br/>-Her life is effectively linked with her host, as she lives in his mind; when he suffers, physically or mentally, she does too<br/>-She is an intelligent, clever animal – she knows with confidence where her self-interests lie, and she seeks them with determination. She thinks clearly, but her desires are simple – food, shelter and family - and she is direct about both expressing and pursuing them<br/>-She seeks to assuage her host because of the above two points; she knows her host is her whole life and she cannot directly hurt him or control him, therefore she has a massive investment in him and seeks to appease him to let her stay<br/>-After bearing children, her species rears them to maturity over a few years inside the sanctuary of the host’s mind, before sending them away to find their own place in life. The journey between minds is catastrophic and agonizing – most do not survive, and for those that do, the trauma of it tends to destroy all but the strongest of the journeyer’s memories<br/>-The darkness represents her strength; the ambience is dark and foggy when she is strong or happy, and well lit when she is sad, scared or hurt. Remember not to imply that the light directly hurts her, it doesn’t – it just indicates that she is hurt by something else</p></blockquote></div></div>
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